I like to listen and compare stories I hear and things people say to try and understand how people work. What I find fascinating is how we use sex to act out tramua and be rewarded for it. All i can really think is that because sex is about survival evolutionaryspeaking lol, its the brains attempt to fulfill some type of invisible pain we feel.
For me it was wanting to feel powerless when my ex left me I was scared of woman. I gave up my power. I felt weak so I looked to feel powerless with sex, for me it was only a few times I tried things with another male, it never made me feel powerless or any less masculine. I try to learn quickly from my anxiety filled impulses. I’ve seen others though that weren’t noticed being abused so now they get turned on by being loud and letting anyone thats around know there having sex. To people who feel humiliation for something in there past and like to be humiliated during sex. Then theres things like girls whos dad doesn’t stick around looking for a daddy in a relationship. Its intresting how things effect what your attracted to. Whats even weirder is that all of these things are not your fault its a invisible type of pain persay thats not attached to a real emotion I dont think or its a real emotion with no proper feeling for it so maybe like having a real arm getting cut off then that pain that sticks around because the brain says there is a arm there lol. So imo the brain attempts to create a feeling or a reason to feel this pain. Which is why we are attracted to certain things. Because without an actual feeling to base it on how can we know that its not how we want to be treated hell how can you even make a choice until you experience it again with a mature brain.
What I find crazy about all this is that people have normalized all these things into kinks and built communities around them. Like they have made it ok to enable trauma. Not that I’m judging people individually just the concept of it. See i agree that it should be accepted but the problem is nothing will ever feel that void. You will always need something more, something extreme, like anything we get used to it, then its not as pleasurable. The only thing left once the pleasure fades is anxeity and emptiness.
Which I guess though this makes sense. If loving my ex gave her the ability to alter the way I love. Then sex which creates a feeling of love and connection(oxytocin) let’s people validate the tramua from the past by finding people to do something to them that validates some feeling they have inside there head. Think of couple who argue allot that like the make up angry sex……essentially validating all the anger they feel.
Like i said its all intresting. Another reason also to stop treating people how they think they want to be treated and treat them with love.
What is it that drives our egos? honestly it can be allot of things but i think a big part of it is our instinct to survive. trapped in the mind looking for experiance, always misunderstood searching for understanding. Survivel now doesnt mean staying alive its turned into what we need to feel alive. feelings have never been so complex and hard to identify though. theres more understanding and so many more people with emotions interacting with each other that what we feel has started to never make sense. Really though there not that complex because there just percieved emotion and emotion is more simple and real. I cant prove anything, this is just a perception of my mind compared to others. One thing that i still have yet to enjoy in life is sex, Its been used to hurt me and I have finally accepted that and letting go of it making me feel worthless. I have many other great things about me that are priceless. Even though the drive to exsist has changed I think one thing that directly effects it still is the instinct to survive. Sex isnt wrong and im not one to judge. but consider this for a moment. Sex is a means for survival not a means to keep us happy. Women use men by having beauty, something that takes great self discipline that needs to be appreciated even If it was done unhealthily it took allot of work and that work shouldnt be invalidated to work so hard and hurt ones own self feeling as if its the only way to do the things they want in this world takes an amazing amount of effort. That self discipline though is a curse. You cant control your body and mind and still be yourself. Blocking out things and building up walls you cage who you are, so you can have all the things you think make you happy. Your caught in the allure of this world, the illusion. In this role you know men will give anything for sex and sex for you doesn’t matter because you want to have experiences and feel. You feed the mens ego and make them believe thier wanted and worthy of what they have gained. In your head though you know its been you all along. Teasing and using all the tactics you have learned to play the fawn. The problem i see with this though is that your feeding an ego for material things and at some pont you was in control until something happens and you realize you can’t stop that you only had the illusion of control. All those men you fed move on and hurt because they was giving you things thinking as long as I feed her she will stay using that sense of power and confidence you give them to gain more things in life. They never thought for second you would never care for them, that what you wanted was something men usually seem to dismiss. In this way the ego is fueling both sides. Men needing to feel that thier gains in life have meaning, and the woman experiance all the things that make them feel.
Sure all is good for awhile and life seems great. The thing is though woman have begin to believe sex is nothing and that they have the control. Men on the other hand think there gains give them power and respect and they can have whatever they want because so. Woman in control of themselves gave in to submission to get what they want. Men in power flaunt what they have as a show of dominance to have any woman they want. This is only what we tell ourselves though. Every girl that leaves only prooves to the man his gains don’t mean anything but his life was built around his ego hes wants to feel powerful and respected not feeling good enough the ego drives to obtain more. Every man that never sees her real needs only makes her feel forgotten and trapped and the ego drives her to keep experiencing more. Behind it though all she wants is to feel something real. Both man and woman worthless and empty they have forgotten who they was before puberty hit. They have rejected that kid who they used to be for the person they want to be. The thing is, who they are was that kid thats forgotten.
That kid so pure innocent and full of dreams almost like a fairytale now. In a world were all we want to do is achieve, we have lost all belief in our dreams. So we project that in the world and use it as a reason to keep moving forward. The car of our dreams, the house of our dreams, the life of our dreams. Our dreams though were nothing more then that. They was imaginary things that filled us with wonder, they gave us hope an faith in all the things we can’t see. As adults though we have made our dreams more real and literal. They no longer fill us with wonder. So why are we giving up our bodies, our time, and all the things that make us special? It all started with hormones and sex. We allowed sex to become a tool to get what we wanted in some way. Wether it was satisfaction or feeling something we then focused on what we think the opposite sex wants and how we can get what we need from them. Our ego slowly changes and we have come defined buy these things. In order to maintain our percieved sense of self the ego does what it can to protect is. So what happens when presented with evidence our beliefs are wrong? Theres plenty of defensive mechanisms the brain will use, denial, rationalization, anger, fear, intimidation. There all tools to protect the beliefs we have built ourselves on. I think these effects are generally masculine and femenin in nature. Now i dont mean male or female im talking of there energy they embrace. masculine energy usually external and competive control with anger and fear, they understand something is wrong but never see themselves. Femininity generally internal with good control of themselves they block out things that dont serve them there unable to see the world for what it is. Wether your male or female I think the brain has the ability to encompass them both generally though females have better intuition and a good executive area I do believe its called (I dont feel like checking right now lol) men on the other hand more instinctal with a good spatial ability.
So how do we fix it? Im not sure yet and thats what i hope to find one day. I see allot of the concepts behind the patterns but i dont always apply them correctly. I know that we need to stop blaming, that includes ourselves and others. What happened happened and its ok now. even though you may have hurt people, guess what they needed that hurt to break there own illusions. If you have made it this far i more then im willing to bet theres been a castrophic event or events in your life that has effected you in a way that has destroyed everything you thought you knew. As i said forgive yourself, your actions up until now have helped others in there journey its ok to trust yourself because as humans we are nothing more then the physical manafestion of the struggle between opposing forces and now that you know this you can begin to see who you are. Forgive others because all the anger and mean things they did slowly caused the balances to tip inside of you even if you couldnt tell, its all happened to help you. Now its a hard thing to do i know im not saying its easy this will be the most terrifying thing ever. Your event or events that have broken you will cause your ego to shatter and your gonna wanna try and pick up the pieces but dont. Those pieces where of a person that wasnt you. You have a chance to stop and see who you was. Who you was never needed anything to be happy and free. Who you was could always find the wonder and amazment of all the smallest of things. Who you was could see the magic that keeps this world alive. That’s when you realize home isnt inside a person or a place, its not inside of you either. Home is nothing more then a belief built on a dream that was all given to us. Even if it was full of abuse or you was given all that you wanted none of that matters. What matters is that somewhere deep down behind all that makes us human. The soul had a dream that was passed on to you and now you can keep that dream going with the faith that no matter what happens to us the dream will stay alive. Treat your soul with love and let love in because until the soul is healed we can never be our true selves, we are part of something bigger reguardless of what you call it, each and everyone of us has a purpose. I believe that purpose is each other. Were all healing the past trying to become whole. Sometimes you mess up and take the wrong path but i promise that path forced upon you or by choice has helped you understand something your going to need. So once you reach that point where you dont know who you are anymore. First forgive all the things you have done. Then forget all the things you have achieved. None of it matters right now because that wasnt who you are. Look at all things unbiased and objectively. Does it align with who you was or was it something you did to get what you thought you wanted. Think back and remember yourself as a child then go through all the memories you have and rebuild yourself. Let who you are be loved. Learn to love people for who they are. Even if they seem to be the bad ones you can love them and treat them with kindness if they enter you life. If it doesnt align with who you are though dont feed it. Put your ego aside and show them your unaffected. A hungry animal wont stay if theres no food. Find things that make you smile and happy. Stop chasing pleasure and pain. Learn to be accepting of your decisions so that you can judge them impartially. Who you are is ok and always will be because who you are never changes. It’s our actions to obtain what we think we want that hides us. Realize that nothing you do matters, but everything you do is the most important decision you will ever make.
I’m sorry but kinks are nothing more the internal problems from childhood coming out in a way that causes pleasure as way to self validate the way we was treated as a kid. Kinks are not healthy for most people to continually partake in. Your literally causing the same type of trauma to your inner child that was forced upon you in some way form or fashion and being rewarded for it. Why is it that you think most people with these kinks suffer from such high anxiety? It’s not rocket science if you use a little self control and stop trying to fuck all the time. Were literally becoming a species of unintelligent beings souly driven by pleasure and fear. I’m not saying that two loving individuals cant spice things up and try out some role play and fantasy or role reversals. Please do. What I’m saying is this constant meet up with people you dont know and letting strangers have access to the most vulnerable parts of your being as some attempt to balance out the feelings from childhood is twisted and wrong. Listen up if you find someone you love and yall truly love each other exploring kinks and different ways to do things is going to be one of the things that makes the relationship strong and exciting. Dont waste all the mystery and excitement on random ass people who dont care about you just so you can find a lover and be boring. When it’s real love your partner will want to explore things with you. Love should have no fears or secrets and if your inna relationship and you feel as if you cant say what you want or if you partner isnt ok doing the things you wanna do then something needs to change. People who become secure with each other should be willing to put ther ego aside and explore all life has to offer with each other not just sexually but mentally as well. That’s what growing is.
My goal here is to be completely honest. In my honest opinion there is either straight or gay. You are attracted chemically to a man or woman and most know it innate from the time there young. All these other labels people have pushed to express individuality to me is ridiculous, people just dont know who they are and want more choices and it makes absolutely no sense. Correction there is asexual that is most definitely a thing lol. People today just dont love themselves so there scared to really understand themselves. Can you be a straight male and sleep with a male? Absolutely you can! Straight and gay applys to your sexual orientation, as in the sex with which you are biologically designed to enter into a relationship with and that doesnt mean penis and vagina it means chemicals and pheromones, at least to me it does. I dont understand why sexual acts have to be classified as having to do with the orientation of people. Sexual acts with someone your not looking to for a relationship can be a fun and enjoyable relationship in itself. It can help you with self discovery, not to mention its safer then risking having a kid. I believe the whole stigma behind sexual orientation and sexual acts needs to change. Now dont get me wrong I dont mean people should go around having sex just because. I still fully believe sex is a powerful act that is to be respected. It’s just that if your someone who falls close to the middle of the two extremes knowing for sure if you like a man or woman may be difficult. In that sense should you be labelled for figuring yourself out? Hell no! Sometimes it can be hard because the woman can be the assertive one and the male the passive one. Does that make him gay? No of course not but because society says this is the man’s role he may feel as if he might be gay and need to sleep with a man to understand and be comfortable with who he is at the moment. Same goes for a woman. If she is assertive she may be treated poorly once again because of society and need to experiment to understand herself. A little experimenting will not hurt anyone as long as it’s not done recklessly. Yes I’m sure some wont agree but labels nowadays are too specific and defined, labels more so then anything should be blurry and generalized. They should be made to encompass a wide array of qualities that blend into both genders because sometimes the man will be more feminine and the female more masculine, which is ok because they will balance each other out. But if there never allowed to find themselves they will forever be unhappy in roles that suppress who they are as they try and be something thier not.
I mean the key to making a good menu is to reduce the amount of choices for the customer to decide upon, therefore making the experience more delightful. Why should life be any different?