I get caught up on the right and wrong way to do things quite often and I forget there is no rules when it comes to expressing yourself and what you think. It must be from where I’m used to catering everything about me to those around me. When it comes to communicating and connecting with others there is most definitely a right and wrong way to go about things lol. So this expression part is weird for me, I’ve spent most of my life just finding pieces of myself in others and then helping them love thereselves because I wanted love myself but could never see myself. You grow up surrounded by people who “know” themselves and imply that you have to know yourself before you can be anything in this world. The more I learn though the more I see this as a lie, to know one’s self is to limit oneself into a way of being, you should know the things you value, you should know what and why you believe what you believe, but to know who you are when who we are is constantly changing as time flows to me is a lie that only causes you to become stuck.
What is it that drives our egos? honestly it can be allot of things but i think a big part of it is our instinct to survive. trapped in the mind looking for experiance, always misunderstood searching for understanding. Survivel now doesnt mean staying alive its turned into what we need to feel alive. feelings have never been so complex and hard to identify though. theres more understanding and so many more people with emotions interacting with each other that what we feel has started to never make sense. Really though there not that complex because there just percieved emotion and emotion is more simple and real. I cant prove anything, this is just a perception of my mind compared to others. One thing that i still have yet to enjoy in life is sex, Its been used to hurt me and I have finally accepted that and letting go of it making me feel worthless. I have many other great things about me that are priceless. Even though the drive to exsist has changed I think one thing that directly effects it still is the instinct to survive. Sex isnt wrong and im not one to judge. but consider this for a moment. Sex is a means for survival not a means to keep us happy. Women use men by having beauty, something that takes great self discipline that needs to be appreciated even If it was done unhealthily it took allot of work and that work shouldnt be invalidated to work so hard and hurt ones own self feeling as if its the only way to do the things they want in this world takes an amazing amount of effort. That self discipline though is a curse. You cant control your body and mind and still be yourself. Blocking out things and building up walls you cage who you are, so you can have all the things you think make you happy. Your caught in the allure of this world, the illusion. In this role you know men will give anything for sex and sex for you doesn’t matter because you want to have experiences and feel. You feed the mens ego and make them believe thier wanted and worthy of what they have gained. In your head though you know its been you all along. Teasing and using all the tactics you have learned to play the fawn. The problem i see with this though is that your feeding an ego for material things and at some pont you was in control until something happens and you realize you can’t stop that you only had the illusion of control. All those men you fed move on and hurt because they was giving you things thinking as long as I feed her she will stay using that sense of power and confidence you give them to gain more things in life. They never thought for second you would never care for them, that what you wanted was something men usually seem to dismiss. In this way the ego is fueling both sides. Men needing to feel that thier gains in life have meaning, and the woman experiance all the things that make them feel.
Sure all is good for awhile and life seems great. The thing is though woman have begin to believe sex is nothing and that they have the control. Men on the other hand think there gains give them power and respect and they can have whatever they want because so. Woman in control of themselves gave in to submission to get what they want. Men in power flaunt what they have as a show of dominance to have any woman they want. This is only what we tell ourselves though. Every girl that leaves only prooves to the man his gains don’t mean anything but his life was built around his ego hes wants to feel powerful and respected not feeling good enough the ego drives to obtain more. Every man that never sees her real needs only makes her feel forgotten and trapped and the ego drives her to keep experiencing more. Behind it though all she wants is to feel something real. Both man and woman worthless and empty they have forgotten who they was before puberty hit. They have rejected that kid who they used to be for the person they want to be. The thing is, who they are was that kid thats forgotten.
That kid so pure innocent and full of dreams almost like a fairytale now. In a world were all we want to do is achieve, we have lost all belief in our dreams. So we project that in the world and use it as a reason to keep moving forward. The car of our dreams, the house of our dreams, the life of our dreams. Our dreams though were nothing more then that. They was imaginary things that filled us with wonder, they gave us hope an faith in all the things we can’t see. As adults though we have made our dreams more real and literal. They no longer fill us with wonder. So why are we giving up our bodies, our time, and all the things that make us special? It all started with hormones and sex. We allowed sex to become a tool to get what we wanted in some way. Wether it was satisfaction or feeling something we then focused on what we think the opposite sex wants and how we can get what we need from them. Our ego slowly changes and we have come defined buy these things. In order to maintain our percieved sense of self the ego does what it can to protect is. So what happens when presented with evidence our beliefs are wrong? Theres plenty of defensive mechanisms the brain will use, denial, rationalization, anger, fear, intimidation. There all tools to protect the beliefs we have built ourselves on. I think these effects are generally masculine and femenin in nature. Now i dont mean male or female im talking of there energy they embrace. masculine energy usually external and competive control with anger and fear, they understand something is wrong but never see themselves. Femininity generally internal with good control of themselves they block out things that dont serve them there unable to see the world for what it is. Wether your male or female I think the brain has the ability to encompass them both generally though females have better intuition and a good executive area I do believe its called (I dont feel like checking right now lol) men on the other hand more instinctal with a good spatial ability.
So how do we fix it? Im not sure yet and thats what i hope to find one day. I see allot of the concepts behind the patterns but i dont always apply them correctly. I know that we need to stop blaming, that includes ourselves and others. What happened happened and its ok now. even though you may have hurt people, guess what they needed that hurt to break there own illusions. If you have made it this far i more then im willing to bet theres been a castrophic event or events in your life that has effected you in a way that has destroyed everything you thought you knew. As i said forgive yourself, your actions up until now have helped others in there journey its ok to trust yourself because as humans we are nothing more then the physical manafestion of the struggle between opposing forces and now that you know this you can begin to see who you are. Forgive others because all the anger and mean things they did slowly caused the balances to tip inside of you even if you couldnt tell, its all happened to help you. Now its a hard thing to do i know im not saying its easy this will be the most terrifying thing ever. Your event or events that have broken you will cause your ego to shatter and your gonna wanna try and pick up the pieces but dont. Those pieces where of a person that wasnt you. You have a chance to stop and see who you was. Who you was never needed anything to be happy and free. Who you was could always find the wonder and amazment of all the smallest of things. Who you was could see the magic that keeps this world alive. That’s when you realize home isnt inside a person or a place, its not inside of you either. Home is nothing more then a belief built on a dream that was all given to us. Even if it was full of abuse or you was given all that you wanted none of that matters. What matters is that somewhere deep down behind all that makes us human. The soul had a dream that was passed on to you and now you can keep that dream going with the faith that no matter what happens to us the dream will stay alive. Treat your soul with love and let love in because until the soul is healed we can never be our true selves, we are part of something bigger reguardless of what you call it, each and everyone of us has a purpose. I believe that purpose is each other. Were all healing the past trying to become whole. Sometimes you mess up and take the wrong path but i promise that path forced upon you or by choice has helped you understand something your going to need. So once you reach that point where you dont know who you are anymore. First forgive all the things you have done. Then forget all the things you have achieved. None of it matters right now because that wasnt who you are. Look at all things unbiased and objectively. Does it align with who you was or was it something you did to get what you thought you wanted. Think back and remember yourself as a child then go through all the memories you have and rebuild yourself. Let who you are be loved. Learn to love people for who they are. Even if they seem to be the bad ones you can love them and treat them with kindness if they enter you life. If it doesnt align with who you are though dont feed it. Put your ego aside and show them your unaffected. A hungry animal wont stay if theres no food. Find things that make you smile and happy. Stop chasing pleasure and pain. Learn to be accepting of your decisions so that you can judge them impartially. Who you are is ok and always will be because who you are never changes. It’s our actions to obtain what we think we want that hides us. Realize that nothing you do matters, but everything you do is the most important decision you will ever make.
So here’s the thing I know emotion is real and its the energy constantly flowing through us all. It’s something we all share even if the emotion is flowing at different frequencies its still energy. Feelings on the other hand are not real, there perceptions of the emotional changes in our body, which means there is know way to treat them from outside the body. This is why one must heal themselves, yet to start the healing one has to want help, wanting help means you have went through the process of questioning yourself which means your open to suggestions. Which is why someone who doesn’t want help never seems to change. My question though is if feelings arnt real if there a perception made up of our own processing of information at the time of the emotional spike. Then why is it that people seem to act like there is a certain way to express oneself, isnt every action we take in this world not an expression of feeling we have formed? If thats the case then helping people understand that feelings are everything and nothing should help them understand children as well. Children make up stories, they copy what they see, they mimic what they feel, then then try to use these things to express and assert themselves as a conscious and aware being. What is it about a childs dreams and pretending and exploring things they see that makes adults so terrified. Are people really that scared of being seen as a bad parent, of being cast out by the crowd that the destroy there childs sense of self and foundation of self love. They essentially cast out there own childs person and force them to conform to what they find appropriate. Then when the child acts out needing attention to feel love and self worth they reject or neglect the child. all because they see there own lack of self love and self worth reflected back to them. They cause the child to throw away there sense of self and to become a copy of the parent only and never learn what it means to love themselves because all they do is harbor resentment for the parent, deep down the child knows something is wrong. Yet to reject the parent is to reject who they have become. With no foundation of self love though this is a nearly impossible feet for most. They need to hold on to and believe there parents raised them well in order to function and be a person. There lives become driven to validate themselves through the parents praise or rejection. they start life off living in anxeity and never learn what its like to not have anxiety. Without the anxiety or love theres nothing there but emptiness. What I want people to understand is that emptiness is not to be feared, its scary because its new, that emptiness is the chance to be who you want to be, to go back to when you was a child and restore your dreams. See feelings may be fake but the heart and mind are not. The heart and mind are designed to survive and to move forward but you must trust them first. You must choose to let go of everything that makes you feel complete and full and dive into the darkness. Only then will you see that just behind that veil the little sweet innocent kid who got lost so long ago is there waiting, shielded from all the pain and torture you have endured up until this point. Now though its your job to protect him/her and to build a path out of the darkness for him. To show him/her how strong they are and to love them and allow them to dream and play once again. are you up to the task? I promise you its not an easy one it will never be done by blaming others but it can be done by finding those that are kind and letting them help, never spew what can hurt you to early but also dont hold on to it untill its to late. the kind hearted will always find you when your ready, make sure you able to see them and not fear them.
What sucks about people is how fragile they really are. We can get hurt and stick around because of love and after long enough that abuse is installed into us as normal. We start to seek it out and think that abuse is what we what. We get angry with ourselves, we hate ourselves and we ultimately get so lost from who we was that we give up because we feel like theres no going back. The thing is the same thing that broke us can heal us if we are brave enough to stop going after what we want and accepting what we deserve. Sometimes this abuse started as a kid when we where young and ultimately when that’s the case our first love is going to hurt us dearly. Sometimes this abuse can happen with our first relationship and if that’s the case you may never want to have a relationship again unable to trust yourself. I promise though if you dont give up, if you learn to trust yourself, if you keep growing and never give up you can find yourself again. Dont give up, dont stop growing, and dont accept all these easy life pleasures. Pleasure is what stops you from growing and pain is a result of getting lost in pleasure. You got this no matter how hard it is.
3 is an important number I believe, to me it has allot of meaning. By using three you can understand allot about the world and yourself. Such as who you are, I believe theres three parts to everyone’s self. Theres the you you think you are and the you that others think you are but there is also who you actually are. Most get caught up in one of the first two but the third one is the most important and significant one because it’s the one that’s always there watching unseen and unaffected. Sometimes I think we dont realize this and it can cause us to go crazy trying to find ourselves but all it really takes is realizing this concept and you can start to understand your self.
3 plays a huge part In religion as well think about it heaven, hell, and then the middle ground earth. It helps reason the exsistance of all things to me. Up and down then the middle ground were things are balanced. You cant have one thing without having its oppisite but all things need a basis for exsistance. The middle or balanced part of two opposing forces is always unseen you just have to have faith that it’s there. In a relationship theres you and the other person but if there was nothing holding you together it wouldnt be a relationship. When you throw a ball you have faith in unseen forces to cause it to fall or slow down. This faith or trust is thier because the forces are always the same and consistent. I think all things need to be viewed in this way how it effects you, how it effects things outside of you, and how might it effect things you have yet to see. There needs to be balance in you, in the universe, in the world, everywhere. Find that balance! 🙂
My goal here is to be completely honest. In my honest opinion there is either straight or gay. You are attracted chemically to a man or woman and most know it innate from the time there young. All these other labels people have pushed to express individuality to me is ridiculous, people just dont know who they are and want more choices and it makes absolutely no sense. Correction there is asexual that is most definitely a thing lol. People today just dont love themselves so there scared to really understand themselves. Can you be a straight male and sleep with a male? Absolutely you can! Straight and gay applys to your sexual orientation, as in the sex with which you are biologically designed to enter into a relationship with and that doesnt mean penis and vagina it means chemicals and pheromones, at least to me it does. I dont understand why sexual acts have to be classified as having to do with the orientation of people. Sexual acts with someone your not looking to for a relationship can be a fun and enjoyable relationship in itself. It can help you with self discovery, not to mention its safer then risking having a kid. I believe the whole stigma behind sexual orientation and sexual acts needs to change. Now dont get me wrong I dont mean people should go around having sex just because. I still fully believe sex is a powerful act that is to be respected. It’s just that if your someone who falls close to the middle of the two extremes knowing for sure if you like a man or woman may be difficult. In that sense should you be labelled for figuring yourself out? Hell no! Sometimes it can be hard because the woman can be the assertive one and the male the passive one. Does that make him gay? No of course not but because society says this is the man’s role he may feel as if he might be gay and need to sleep with a man to understand and be comfortable with who he is at the moment. Same goes for a woman. If she is assertive she may be treated poorly once again because of society and need to experiment to understand herself. A little experimenting will not hurt anyone as long as it’s not done recklessly. Yes I’m sure some wont agree but labels nowadays are too specific and defined, labels more so then anything should be blurry and generalized. They should be made to encompass a wide array of qualities that blend into both genders because sometimes the man will be more feminine and the female more masculine, which is ok because they will balance each other out. But if there never allowed to find themselves they will forever be unhappy in roles that suppress who they are as they try and be something thier not.
I mean the key to making a good menu is to reduce the amount of choices for the customer to decide upon, therefore making the experience more delightful. Why should life be any different?