I like to listen and compare stories I hear and things people say to try and understand how people work. What I find fascinating is how we use sex to act out tramua and be rewarded for it. All i can really think is that because sex is about survival evolutionaryspeaking lol, its the brains attempt to fulfill some type of invisible pain we feel.

For me it was wanting to feel powerless when my ex left me I was scared of woman. I gave up my power. I felt weak so I looked to feel powerless with sex, for me it was only a few times I tried things with another male, it never made me feel powerless or any less masculine. I try to learn quickly from my anxiety filled impulses. I’ve seen others though that weren’t noticed being abused so now they get turned on by being loud and letting anyone thats around know there having sex. To people who feel humiliation for something in there past and like to be humiliated during sex. Then theres things like girls whos dad doesn’t stick around looking for a daddy in a relationship. Its intresting how things effect what your attracted to. Whats even weirder is that all of these things are not your fault its a invisible type of pain persay thats not attached to a real emotion I dont think or its a real emotion with no proper feeling for it so maybe like having a real arm getting cut off then that pain that sticks around because the brain says there is a arm there lol. So imo the brain attempts to create a feeling or a reason to feel this pain. Which is why we are attracted to certain things. Because without an actual feeling to base it on how can we know that its not how we want to be treated hell how can you even make a choice until you experience it again with a mature brain.

What I find crazy about all this is that people have normalized all these things into kinks and built communities around them. Like they have made it ok to enable trauma. Not that I’m judging people individually just the concept of it. See i agree that it should be accepted but the problem is nothing will ever feel that void. You will always need something more, something extreme, like anything we get used to it, then its not as pleasurable. The only thing left once the pleasure fades is anxeity and emptiness.

Which I guess though this makes sense. If loving my ex gave her the ability to alter the way I love. Then sex which creates a feeling of love and connection(oxytocin) let’s people validate the tramua from the past by finding people to do something to them that validates some feeling they have inside there head. Think of couple who argue allot that like the make up angry sex……essentially validating all the anger they feel.

Like i said its all intresting. Another reason also to stop treating people how they think they want to be treated and treat them with love.

I think one of the biggest things to over come is family trauma. Make no mistake every family passes on some kind of trauma to there kid in varying degrees. When its on the lower end of the scale its easy to heal and forgive your parents/family and usually goes unnoticed. Then there’s the higher end of the scale thats the one thats hard to over come. This is all my opinion from my perspective of course.

See when there is allot of hate or shame or just abuse in general passed down to the children it becomes a part of them. They have been growing up observing this tramua there whole life so its given there brain will wire its self to repeat this Trauma. Wether its in the people they love or how they treat people it will manifest itself in some way in the child. More often then not the child will hate that side of them or be ashamed of that side of them. They will search out partners that validate these feelings they have deep within them. It will seem like love is the enemy but its not.

The real enemy is what we see as love, how we view the world through our broken eyes. You get comfortable in this illusion and it keeps repeating itself over and over. Eventually unless you break this cycle you decide to give up on love altogether or just settle and keep living life like its normal. None of this ever leads to happiness though.

Its important to come to terms with that side of yourself. That way you can understand that just as you cant help the way you was raised neither could your parents. We don’t get to decide those things. Yet if you can do this if you can forgive yourself and forgive your family. If you can change yourself you can break this cycle. During this journey you should come to learn that you cant change anyone they have to want to change. They have to be willing. If they are not then just as you want people to accept you, you should accept them.

You cant change the past but you can create a better future. By healing yourself and learning what you need help with you can learn to have authority over yourself. You can learn what it truly means to be independent. Being independent isn’t about supporting yourself, its about knowing yourself on such a deep level you know what and where you need help and being able to ask for this help. Its not an easy journey its lonely but you have to understand you are good enough, your are worth it, but you can’t do it alone and anyone who says they have done it alone is a liar. Those people don’t pay attention to the countless individuals that were there for them and this is strictly there ego talking. We all need each other equally.

What does it mean to really love? I know how most of us love which is based off of attraction and honestly this form of love is definitely not the one you want to be apart of. So, if we put attraction aside and take love for what it is what do we have? To me love is a codex of all our emotions experienced as we were becoming an adult. We take all these moments of emotion given to us from our parents, then smash it down into a nice little codex this codex becomes our version of love and what we end up looking for in another.

Of course, we almost always become attracted to someone first and I think that’s because our codex in incomplete. Our subconscious sees something in the other person that we need to learn. So, it goes oh look at them I like that one lets go get it. Of course, if you start this relationship up and you don’t learn from the person then you never really get much and end up losing a piece of yours. Do this to many times and you might very likely lose love for yourself completely. The key is to always learn from every relationship and interaction you have.     

Of course, what happens if we fill this codex up and we make it whole? I believe this is the point at which we fall out of love. So, you obtain the person and once you learn what you need from then you start to lose those feelings of love there gone. What’s going on I mean you have been with them for years why don’t you feel anything anymore. Do you not love them anymore? Of course, you do, the feelings you had were never meant to be love they was only meant to keep you together while you learned to love yourself. now that you have accomplished this there’s no need for the attraction. Now you should love yourself so completely that you don’t need love from anyone else.        

See I think this is real love, to love yourself in a way that completes you. When you and you partner both do this in a positive way you no longer need anything from each other. You can at this point truly start to enjoy each other company. Instead of needing something from them you only want them for who they are and not what they can give you. The relationship becomes about sharing stories and communication, you feel secure enough that you can both live you own lives. Being in a position to have your own life freely and with no fear and a safe loving place to return home to gives you a freedom that can only be described as love. All your dreams and passions seem to all the sudden to be an option.          

This is part of love I think is the best the part where you water each other and support each other as you become the people you want to be. You have no fear of failure because there’s someone there to keep you from falling. You don’t worry about feeling like enough because you each are doing what you love. Perusing what you love without fear of failing or rejection from you spouse life starts to become almost like a fairy tale. Your happy in love and at the same time your making a difference in the world. Your able to return home and share all the details of you day as well all the feelings you felt. Then you listen as you partner tells you the same. The two of you share everything that happened without fear and it makes you feel closer than ever.      

This love isn’t one people get to experience very often simply put there two caught up in feeling. Most are so empty and reliant on things such as sex to feel that they don’t see there giving up parts of themselves to feel and even that isn’t enough at some point. What no one seems to realizes is that this love is the truest and life changing love there is. Yet we live in a world that promote sexually exploring quite young. This severely prolongs the Childs experience to find real love because they never even get to the part where they fall out of love. If your smart you will hold out and wait saving the experience for someone special. Regardless what they tell you if you’re with the one who loves you all the things you may want to “explore” would still be an option.       

See after you fall out of love and you grow next comes the start of a new cycle. You consider kids together having explored your purpose in the world, left you mark, been places you have dreamed of. The best part all these experiences where you while being in love. That means every detail will be stored into your memory for you to watch like a movie when you get old. You can see why finding real love is worth forgoing the pleasure and looking for someone you see a life with become important. When you older and on your death bed you don’t want to lay there looking back at a life full of superficial experiences that you can’t even remember. You get to lay there and dream of all the best moment of your life. From the mark you made on the world to the person who was your world and then the miracle you all made year after year.

What is it that drives our egos? honestly it can be allot of things but i think a big part of it is our instinct to survive. trapped in the mind looking for experiance, always misunderstood searching for understanding. Survivel now doesnt mean staying alive its turned into what we need to feel alive. feelings have never been so complex and hard to identify though. theres more understanding and so many more people with emotions interacting with each other that what we feel has started to never make sense. Really though there not that complex because there just percieved emotion and emotion is more simple and real. I cant prove anything, this is just a perception of my mind compared to others. One thing that i still have yet to enjoy in life is sex, Its been used to hurt me and I have finally accepted that and letting go of it making me feel worthless. I have many other great things about me that are priceless. Even though the drive to exsist has changed I think one thing that directly effects it still is the instinct to survive. Sex isnt wrong and im not one to judge. but consider this for a moment. Sex is a means for survival not a means to keep us happy. Women use men by having beauty, something that takes great self discipline that needs to be appreciated even If it was done unhealthily it took allot of work and that work shouldnt be invalidated to work so hard and hurt ones own self feeling as if its the only way to do the things they want in this world takes an amazing amount of effort. That self discipline though is a curse. You cant control your body and mind and still be yourself. Blocking out things and building up walls you cage who you are, so you can have all the things you think make you happy. Your caught in the allure of this world, the illusion. In this role you know men will give anything for sex and sex for you doesn’t matter because you want to have experiences and feel. You feed the mens ego and make them believe thier wanted and worthy of what they have gained. In your head though you know its been you all along. Teasing and using all the tactics you have learned to play the fawn. The problem i see with this though is that your feeding an ego for material things and at some pont you was in control until something happens and you realize you can’t stop that you only had the illusion of control. All those men you fed move on and hurt because they was giving you things thinking as long as I feed her she will stay using that sense of power and confidence you give them to gain more things in life. They never thought for second you would never care for them, that what you wanted was something men usually seem to dismiss. In this way the ego is fueling both sides. Men needing to feel that thier gains in life have meaning, and the woman experiance all the things that make them feel.

Sure all is good for awhile and life seems great. The thing is though woman have begin to believe sex is nothing and that they have the control. Men on the other hand think there gains give them power and respect and they can have whatever they want because so. Woman in control of themselves gave in to submission to get what they want. Men in power flaunt what they have as a show of dominance to have any woman they want. This is only what we tell ourselves though. Every girl that leaves only prooves to the man his gains don’t mean anything but his life was built around his ego hes wants to feel powerful and respected not feeling good enough the ego drives to obtain more. Every man that never sees her real needs only makes her feel forgotten and trapped and the ego drives her to keep experiencing more. Behind it though all she wants is to feel something real. Both man and woman worthless and empty they have forgotten who they was before puberty hit. They have rejected that kid who they used to be for the person they want to be. The thing is, who they are was that kid thats forgotten.

That kid so pure innocent and full of dreams almost like a fairytale now. In a world were all we want to do is achieve, we have lost all belief in our dreams. So we project that in the world and use it as a reason to keep moving forward. The car of our dreams, the house of our dreams, the life of our dreams. Our dreams though were nothing more then that. They was imaginary things that filled us with wonder, they gave us hope an faith in all the things we can’t see. As adults though we have made our dreams more real and literal. They no longer fill us with wonder. So why are we giving up our bodies, our time, and all the things that make us special? It all started with hormones and sex. We allowed sex to become a tool to get what we wanted in some way. Wether it was satisfaction or feeling something we then focused on what we think the opposite sex wants and how we can get what we need from them. Our ego slowly changes and we have come defined buy these things. In order to maintain our percieved sense of self the ego does what it can to protect is. So what happens when presented with evidence our beliefs are wrong? Theres plenty of defensive mechanisms the brain will use, denial, rationalization, anger, fear, intimidation. There all tools to protect the beliefs we have built ourselves on. I think these effects are generally masculine and femenin in nature. Now i dont mean male or female im talking of there energy they embrace. masculine energy usually external and competive control with anger and fear, they understand something is wrong but never see themselves. Femininity generally internal with good control of themselves they block out things that dont serve them there unable to see the world for what it is. Wether your male or female I think the brain has the ability to encompass them both generally though females have better intuition and a good executive area I do believe its called (I dont feel like checking right now lol) men on the other hand more instinctal with a good spatial ability.

So how do we fix it? Im not sure yet and thats what i hope to find one day. I see allot of the concepts behind the patterns but i dont always apply them correctly. I know that we need to stop blaming, that includes ourselves and others. What happened happened and its ok now. even though you may have hurt people, guess what they needed that hurt to break there own illusions. If you have made it this far i more then im willing to bet theres been a castrophic event or events in your life that has effected you in a way that has destroyed everything you thought you knew. As i said forgive yourself, your actions up until now have helped others in there journey its ok to trust yourself because as humans we are nothing more then the physical manafestion of the struggle between opposing forces and now that you know this you can begin to see who you are. Forgive others because all the anger and mean things they did slowly caused the balances to tip inside of you even if you couldnt tell, its all happened to help you. Now its a hard thing to do i know im not saying its easy this will be the most terrifying thing ever. Your event or events that have broken you will cause your ego to shatter and your gonna wanna try and pick up the pieces but dont. Those pieces where of a person that wasnt you. You have a chance to stop and see who you was. Who you was never needed anything to be happy and free. Who you was could always find the wonder and amazment of all the smallest of things. Who you was could see the magic that keeps this world alive. That’s when you realize home isnt inside a person or a place, its not inside of you either. Home is nothing more then a belief built on a dream that was all given to us. Even if it was full of abuse or you was given all that you wanted none of that matters. What matters is that somewhere deep down behind all that makes us human. The soul had a dream that was passed on to you and now you can keep that dream going with the faith that no matter what happens to us the dream will stay alive. Treat your soul with love and let love in because until the soul is healed we can never be our true selves, we are part of something bigger reguardless of what you call it, each and everyone of us has a purpose. I believe that purpose is each other. Were all healing the past trying to become whole. Sometimes you mess up and take the wrong path but i promise that path forced upon you or by choice has helped you understand something your going to need. So once you reach that point where you dont know who you are anymore. First forgive all the things you have done. Then forget all the things you have achieved. None of it matters right now because that wasnt who you are. Look at all things unbiased and objectively. Does it align with who you was or was it something you did to get what you thought you wanted. Think back and remember yourself as a child then go through all the memories you have and rebuild yourself. Let who you are be loved. Learn to love people for who they are. Even if they seem to be the bad ones you can love them and treat them with kindness if they enter you life. If it doesnt align with who you are though dont feed it. Put your ego aside and show them your unaffected. A hungry animal wont stay if theres no food. Find things that make you smile and happy. Stop chasing pleasure and pain. Learn to be accepting of your decisions so that you can judge them impartially. Who you are is ok and always will be because who you are never changes. It’s our actions to obtain what we think we want that hides us. Realize that nothing you do matters, but everything you do is the most important decision you will ever make.

So I see allot of people get stuck on dont take things personal that the other person is fighting thier own battles. While I partially believe in this the concept behind it is wrong to me. When people whole heartedly believe in this they will ignore themselves. Yes when someone gets angry at you gets emotional allot of times it’s not personal it is the other persons problem. Though the fact remains that something you did triggered something in another person. Just because we shouldnt takes things personal also doesnt mean we should just do what we want. That’s the rule I think we should take from even wild animals, you should pay attention to the other person. How you act effects people and it is your job to control how you act. You shouldnt act however you want, you should act in a way that benefits both people that’s intelligence imo. Sometimes your actions warent a reaction even if it’s an over reaction on there part. You should take things personal because it makes you question what you believe in and questioning yourself is the best way to grow. If you never question yourself then your only lieing to yourself. If you do this for to long based off of excuses like there in the wrong, or they was the ones that hurt you, or they have there own battles to deal with, then your only ignoring yourself and your actions and it’s the easiest way to fall into a spiral of anxiety. Anxiety in its essence makes you become someone your not. You end up doing things that go against your internal beliefs, beliefs you can no longer see because of the anxiety. You have to go back and remember who you was and you have to choose to go back to those beliefs and it will be so hard. Its possiablly the hardest thing in the world to do because at some point we let someone make us lose sight of those beliefs and the brain can no longer trust itself to make the right decision. Anxiety sets in as a way protect us from our choices. You forget your beliefs so you can hide from the pain. The pain though is still thier and it will always come out. It will come out as pleasure, As attractions, as anger. See just because you shouldnt take things personal doesnt mean they arnt personal. We are all dealing with our own demons but those demons are one and the same. Thier demons are your demons and you look to love those demons to validate those demons but you have to choose to deal with those demons and to turn away from those demons if your truly want the brain to trust yourself and to love yourself again.

What sucks about people is how fragile they really are. We can get hurt and stick around because of love and after long enough that abuse is installed into us as normal. We start to seek it out and think that abuse is what we what. We get angry with ourselves, we hate ourselves and we ultimately get so lost from who we was that we give up because we feel like theres no going back. The thing is the same thing that broke us can heal us if we are brave enough to stop going after what we want and accepting what we deserve. Sometimes this abuse started as a kid when we where young and ultimately when that’s the case our first love is going to hurt us dearly. Sometimes this abuse can happen with our first relationship and if that’s the case you may never want to have a relationship again unable to trust yourself. I promise though if you dont give up, if you learn to trust yourself, if you keep growing and never give up you can find yourself again. Dont give up, dont stop growing, and dont accept all these easy life pleasures. Pleasure is what stops you from growing and pain is a result of getting lost in pleasure. You got this no matter how hard it is.

3 is an important number I believe, to me it has allot of meaning. By using three you can understand allot about the world and yourself. Such as who you are, I believe theres three parts to everyone’s self. Theres the you you think you are and the you that others think you are but there is also who you actually are. Most get caught up in one of the first two but the third one is the most important and significant one because it’s the one that’s always there watching unseen and unaffected. Sometimes I think we dont realize this and it can cause us to go crazy trying to find ourselves but all it really takes is realizing this concept and you can start to understand your self.

3 plays a huge part In religion as well think about it heaven, hell, and then the middle ground earth. It helps reason the exsistance of all things to me. Up and down then the middle ground were things are balanced. You cant have one thing without having its oppisite but all things need a basis for exsistance. The middle or balanced part of two opposing forces is always unseen you just have to have faith that it’s there. In a relationship theres you and the other person but if there was nothing holding you together it wouldnt be a relationship. When you throw a ball you have faith in unseen forces to cause it to fall or slow down. This faith or trust is thier because the forces are always the same and consistent. I think all things need to be viewed in this way how it effects you, how it effects things outside of you, and how might it effect things you have yet to see. There needs to be balance in you, in the universe, in the world, everywhere. Find that balance! 🙂

I’m sorry but kinks are nothing more the internal problems from childhood coming out in a way that causes pleasure as way to self validate the way we was treated as a kid. Kinks are not healthy for most people to continually partake in. Your literally causing the same type of trauma to your inner child that was forced upon you in some way form or fashion and being rewarded for it. Why is it that you think most people with these kinks suffer from such high anxiety? It’s not rocket science if you use a little self control and stop trying to fuck all the time. Were literally becoming a species of unintelligent beings souly driven by pleasure and fear. I’m not saying that two loving individuals cant spice things up and try out some role play and fantasy or role reversals. Please do. What I’m saying is this constant meet up with people you dont know and letting strangers have access to the most vulnerable parts of your being as some attempt to balance out the feelings from childhood is twisted and wrong. Listen up if you find someone you love and yall truly love each other exploring kinks and different ways to do things is going to be one of the things that makes the relationship strong and exciting. Dont waste all the mystery and excitement on random ass people who dont care about you just so you can find a lover and be boring. When it’s real love your partner will want to explore things with you. Love should have no fears or secrets and if your inna relationship and you feel as if you cant say what you want or if you partner isnt ok doing the things you wanna do then something needs to change. People who become secure with each other should be willing to put ther ego aside and explore all life has to offer with each other not just sexually but mentally as well. That’s what growing is.

It’s simple, because I didnt see myself as a person I looked at everything with and unbiased eye. I saw the world for what it was down to the very core. Of course I could see all the pain and agony so many was in but what was the cause of that agony. Why were so many people hurting when they didnt need to hurt. A couple things come to mind of course, one is labels. Labels are how everyone defines each other but labels are not who we are. Do I have my problems yes and I’m sure some can guess my problems but I dont want to talk about those I only want to talk of how I felt. For every person that was labeled it would more clearly define all others under that label. Majority of people with this have this common trait therefore this trait is needed to diagnose said label. That is fundamentally wrong!

We are a evolving species that is constantly in flux. Our conscious mind literally alters our role based upon how we see ourselves. Which inevitably is what is causing the agony so many experience. The labels only become more defined and set in stone while we as a species are changing. Woman in a attempt to gain power are taking over the roles of men. Woman are not being woman. Men on the other hand are taking over more roles as woman, men are becoming more feminine. Which is fine and dandy except for the labels havent changed, how can a man be feminine and keep is masculinity, and vice versa. Therefore it’s being expressed sexually which is so so so wrong. Sex creates a bond that literally gives access to inner parts of the mind to the other person. So when you go and experiment and the other person doesnt care for you and treats you badly there changing parts of you that you are not even aware of which is why the need to fulfill that void only grows. You end up wanting more and doing different things as you get lost in anxiety. The anxiety litterly drives you but it’s your choice to make the hard decision and so no to the anxiety. You have to choose to go back to being who you are and who your ment to be. The crazy thing about this is I think every person has both masculine and feminine inside them. That sometimes trauma cuts off one or the other for whatever reason and then labels applied to us when were young keeps us from exploring and embracing both sides of ourselves. We couldnt become the other if it wasnt already innately inside of us. You can be emotional and strong, you can appear strong but be weak. This very power dynamic is the essence of a relationship imo. A back and forth exchange of powers that helps the other person grow in areas they are weak confidently and teaches us to be weak in areas we are strong. I think this exchange of powers between you and the one you love is what causes us to be strong well rounded individuals that can truly show our children what it means to raise each other up and to love ourselves as humans.

Second point is that wether we like it our bot a woman is a woman and a man is a man. Our animal brains are wired differently to need different things for survival. Woman are just going around showing they can do everything a man can do while not realizing its throwing them into a disarray of anxiety and numbness. They in turn keep trying to feel and many have come to terms with pain as a sense of feeling. Think about it in an attempt to show your power your asking to be punished. Really think about that? In what world is pain ever something to be desired. Men on the other hand are learning, oh well degrading and using woman is what they want, it’s what there asking for. Due to not knowing any better and succumbing to society pressures to be a man they are doing what they think makes them a man. Just as woman acting like men is causing them to go numb and want pain, men not being men and protecting woman from themselves like they should is causing men to lose there sense of manhood they become passive and less assertive as deep down they have become the predator woman need protection from. It causes a disconnect somewhere deep inside making men feel the need to prove something, causing them just as woman do, to fall into anxiety and get stuck trying to provide and lead and display there masculinity. Unfortunately true masculinity is learning to take the back seat, to empower the woman with understanding and the confidence that they always have support. Masculinity is not leading, masculinity is creating leaders. Feminine are the leaders they have superb intuition to make smart quick and effective choices. This requires trust and respect though. Woman need to respect that a man can understand things more effectively then they can, a man’s instincts can pick up and say something here isnt right we need to go. And men should trust woman enough to accept there answers and not need the woman to explain themselves. Intuition is a process that takes place behind the scenes. You may not understand how you came to that answer but you need to trust your correct. The man needs to respect the woman enough to understand on his own time and not to take power away from the leader/woman unless its abouslutly required. If he decides her answer is wrong he should observe and teach her why it’s wrong so that she feels empowered and not belittled so that she can make strong confident choices in the future and know that no matter what happens even if she makes a mistake her man will protect the family and do what’s needed even if that means raising her up higher.

Being a provider doesn’t mean monetary gains the way it used to be. We arnt surviving any more, men dont need to hunt and fight, there is no gathering or need for woman to make clothes or tan hides. In a modern society the woman are ment to run the businesses as they did the families. Men are now ment to be the teachers and trainers and researchers. The role of the provider has changed from food, clothes, and protection and now means knowledge, guidance, support. The womans roles of organizers, gatherers, decision makers now is more aligned with money, reputation, and stability. At least this is how I see things.