What is it that drives our egos? honestly it can be allot of things but i think a big part of it is our instinct to survive. trapped in the mind looking for experiance, always misunderstood searching for understanding. Survivel now doesnt mean staying alive its turned into what we need to feel alive. feelings have never been so complex and hard to identify though. theres more understanding and so many more people with emotions interacting with each other that what we feel has started to never make sense. Really though there not that complex because there just percieved emotion and emotion is more simple and real. I cant prove anything, this is just a perception of my mind compared to others. One thing that i still have yet to enjoy in life is sex, Its been used to hurt me and I have finally accepted that and letting go of it making me feel worthless. I have many other great things about me that are priceless. Even though the drive to exsist has changed I think one thing that directly effects it still is the instinct to survive. Sex isnt wrong and im not one to judge. but consider this for a moment. Sex is a means for survival not a means to keep us happy. Women use men by having beauty, something that takes great self discipline that needs to be appreciated even If it was done unhealthily it took allot of work and that work shouldnt be invalidated to work so hard and hurt ones own self feeling as if its the only way to do the things they want in this world takes an amazing amount of effort. That self discipline though is a curse. You cant control your body and mind and still be yourself. Blocking out things and building up walls you cage who you are, so you can have all the things you think make you happy. Your caught in the allure of this world, the illusion. In this role you know men will give anything for sex and sex for you doesn’t matter because you want to have experiences and feel. You feed the mens ego and make them believe thier wanted and worthy of what they have gained. In your head though you know its been you all along. Teasing and using all the tactics you have learned to play the fawn. The problem i see with this though is that your feeding an ego for material things and at some pont you was in control until something happens and you realize you can’t stop that you only had the illusion of control. All those men you fed move on and hurt because they was giving you things thinking as long as I feed her she will stay using that sense of power and confidence you give them to gain more things in life. They never thought for second you would never care for them, that what you wanted was something men usually seem to dismiss. In this way the ego is fueling both sides. Men needing to feel that thier gains in life have meaning, and the woman experiance all the things that make them feel.
Sure all is good for awhile and life seems great. The thing is though woman have begin to believe sex is nothing and that they have the control. Men on the other hand think there gains give them power and respect and they can have whatever they want because so. Woman in control of themselves gave in to submission to get what they want. Men in power flaunt what they have as a show of dominance to have any woman they want. This is only what we tell ourselves though. Every girl that leaves only prooves to the man his gains don’t mean anything but his life was built around his ego hes wants to feel powerful and respected not feeling good enough the ego drives to obtain more. Every man that never sees her real needs only makes her feel forgotten and trapped and the ego drives her to keep experiencing more. Behind it though all she wants is to feel something real. Both man and woman worthless and empty they have forgotten who they was before puberty hit. They have rejected that kid who they used to be for the person they want to be. The thing is, who they are was that kid thats forgotten.
That kid so pure innocent and full of dreams almost like a fairytale now. In a world were all we want to do is achieve, we have lost all belief in our dreams. So we project that in the world and use it as a reason to keep moving forward. The car of our dreams, the house of our dreams, the life of our dreams. Our dreams though were nothing more then that. They was imaginary things that filled us with wonder, they gave us hope an faith in all the things we can’t see. As adults though we have made our dreams more real and literal. They no longer fill us with wonder. So why are we giving up our bodies, our time, and all the things that make us special? It all started with hormones and sex. We allowed sex to become a tool to get what we wanted in some way. Wether it was satisfaction or feeling something we then focused on what we think the opposite sex wants and how we can get what we need from them. Our ego slowly changes and we have come defined buy these things. In order to maintain our percieved sense of self the ego does what it can to protect is. So what happens when presented with evidence our beliefs are wrong? Theres plenty of defensive mechanisms the brain will use, denial, rationalization, anger, fear, intimidation. There all tools to protect the beliefs we have built ourselves on. I think these effects are generally masculine and femenin in nature. Now i dont mean male or female im talking of there energy they embrace. masculine energy usually external and competive control with anger and fear, they understand something is wrong but never see themselves. Femininity generally internal with good control of themselves they block out things that dont serve them there unable to see the world for what it is. Wether your male or female I think the brain has the ability to encompass them both generally though females have better intuition and a good executive area I do believe its called (I dont feel like checking right now lol) men on the other hand more instinctal with a good spatial ability.
So how do we fix it? Im not sure yet and thats what i hope to find one day. I see allot of the concepts behind the patterns but i dont always apply them correctly. I know that we need to stop blaming, that includes ourselves and others. What happened happened and its ok now. even though you may have hurt people, guess what they needed that hurt to break there own illusions. If you have made it this far i more then im willing to bet theres been a castrophic event or events in your life that has effected you in a way that has destroyed everything you thought you knew. As i said forgive yourself, your actions up until now have helped others in there journey its ok to trust yourself because as humans we are nothing more then the physical manafestion of the struggle between opposing forces and now that you know this you can begin to see who you are. Forgive others because all the anger and mean things they did slowly caused the balances to tip inside of you even if you couldnt tell, its all happened to help you. Now its a hard thing to do i know im not saying its easy this will be the most terrifying thing ever. Your event or events that have broken you will cause your ego to shatter and your gonna wanna try and pick up the pieces but dont. Those pieces where of a person that wasnt you. You have a chance to stop and see who you was. Who you was never needed anything to be happy and free. Who you was could always find the wonder and amazment of all the smallest of things. Who you was could see the magic that keeps this world alive. That’s when you realize home isnt inside a person or a place, its not inside of you either. Home is nothing more then a belief built on a dream that was all given to us. Even if it was full of abuse or you was given all that you wanted none of that matters. What matters is that somewhere deep down behind all that makes us human. The soul had a dream that was passed on to you and now you can keep that dream going with the faith that no matter what happens to us the dream will stay alive. Treat your soul with love and let love in because until the soul is healed we can never be our true selves, we are part of something bigger reguardless of what you call it, each and everyone of us has a purpose. I believe that purpose is each other. Were all healing the past trying to become whole. Sometimes you mess up and take the wrong path but i promise that path forced upon you or by choice has helped you understand something your going to need. So once you reach that point where you dont know who you are anymore. First forgive all the things you have done. Then forget all the things you have achieved. None of it matters right now because that wasnt who you are. Look at all things unbiased and objectively. Does it align with who you was or was it something you did to get what you thought you wanted. Think back and remember yourself as a child then go through all the memories you have and rebuild yourself. Let who you are be loved. Learn to love people for who they are. Even if they seem to be the bad ones you can love them and treat them with kindness if they enter you life. If it doesnt align with who you are though dont feed it. Put your ego aside and show them your unaffected. A hungry animal wont stay if theres no food. Find things that make you smile and happy. Stop chasing pleasure and pain. Learn to be accepting of your decisions so that you can judge them impartially. Who you are is ok and always will be because who you are never changes. It’s our actions to obtain what we think we want that hides us. Realize that nothing you do matters, but everything you do is the most important decision you will ever make.
Ok so first this is just an opinion of mine based off of all the people I’ve spoken to and helped over the years. Heres the thing woman are fundamentally different then men. our animal brains serve different purposes. The goal of a womans brain was to find a strong and stable protector that would defend the home giving the baby and herself time to get to safety. Children as far back as time goes are always more important then the parents themselves. Children when born from two people mating to advance the species have different and more highly evolved genes. these genes are what allows the specicies to continuelly grow and evolve. Here’s the thing though, because woman are wired to find a protector that is stable enough to stay it means sex effects them diferently. When a man is promiscuous it doesn’t go against his biological code, woman on the other had are not biologically designed for promiscuity, will they do it, yes but how many woman out there are able to orgasm from normal sex with strangers? Not many so i hear. Guess what sex realeases in the body, oxytocin which naturally fights stress levels. Why because science has proven stress even days after becoming pregnant can and does effect a baby. i think this is a natural defense to help the species. Now guess what anxiety comes from? lots of dopimine thats unearned. so when you get yourself off( masturbate ) your dopimine shoots up and you dont recieve adequate serotonin to keep anxiety in check because guess what I bet you want to orgasm in sex and not by yourself. Once the oxytocin wears off all that dopamine is still there causing the anxiety. With this understanding you can see how woman easily fall into anxeity. Anxiety after so long causes numbness and an inability to trust ones self which cripples intuition…….but anxiety will also make you seek out what you think is helping you, you will want it and think its helping when really like I’ve said in some other posts you need to say no to the anxiety and the lies you tell yourself and go back to the version of you before the hormones. The little girl who loved to play and dream of being loved. As a kid we are ourselves, before the hormones and the instincts to survive which once again we dont need. We are a more true form of ourselves who ever that is. Even if you was following the rules of your parents inside you had dreams and wants and desires that had nothing to do with sex and material matters, they were pure and honest and part of who you was. Don’t let this world and its pleasures distract you from all the great things that make us human. You have a brain for a reason if what your doing isnt working stop blaming it on all the things you think it is and take a good and fair look at your life and see what’s the one thing that has really stayed consistent. Also what’s the one thing that always seems to get worse and not go away? You have to be able to face yourself and stop letting the world decide things for you. A man can’t do what a woman does, and a woman can’t do everything a man can do. Just like all these young kids fighting to have everyone treated the same, there to distracted and spread out, theres one simple cause, the concept. A man is a man and a woman is a woman. Stop trying to be one another……..do you not tell you kids and friends to not compare themselves or try to be like other people? Why cant people see it’s the same concept with gender. Start being who you are and doing what your good at……..oh and I dont mean what damn body part you have, penis or vagina doesn’t mean shit…….guess what if we can be born with extra or no limbs dont ya think the body might screw up and shoot some estrogen in the brain causing a male to have a females brain? It’s not that far fetched really.
So I see allot of people get stuck on dont take things personal that the other person is fighting thier own battles. While I partially believe in this the concept behind it is wrong to me. When people whole heartedly believe in this they will ignore themselves. Yes when someone gets angry at you gets emotional allot of times it’s not personal it is the other persons problem. Though the fact remains that something you did triggered something in another person. Just because we shouldnt takes things personal also doesnt mean we should just do what we want. That’s the rule I think we should take from even wild animals, you should pay attention to the other person. How you act effects people and it is your job to control how you act. You shouldnt act however you want, you should act in a way that benefits both people that’s intelligence imo. Sometimes your actions warent a reaction even if it’s an over reaction on there part. You should take things personal because it makes you question what you believe in and questioning yourself is the best way to grow. If you never question yourself then your only lieing to yourself. If you do this for to long based off of excuses like there in the wrong, or they was the ones that hurt you, or they have there own battles to deal with, then your only ignoring yourself and your actions and it’s the easiest way to fall into a spiral of anxiety. Anxiety in its essence makes you become someone your not. You end up doing things that go against your internal beliefs, beliefs you can no longer see because of the anxiety. You have to go back and remember who you was and you have to choose to go back to those beliefs and it will be so hard. Its possiablly the hardest thing in the world to do because at some point we let someone make us lose sight of those beliefs and the brain can no longer trust itself to make the right decision. Anxiety sets in as a way protect us from our choices. You forget your beliefs so you can hide from the pain. The pain though is still thier and it will always come out. It will come out as pleasure, As attractions, as anger. See just because you shouldnt take things personal doesnt mean they arnt personal. We are all dealing with our own demons but those demons are one and the same. Thier demons are your demons and you look to love those demons to validate those demons but you have to choose to deal with those demons and to turn away from those demons if your truly want the brain to trust yourself and to love yourself again.
My goal here is to be completely honest. In my honest opinion there is either straight or gay. You are attracted chemically to a man or woman and most know it innate from the time there young. All these other labels people have pushed to express individuality to me is ridiculous, people just dont know who they are and want more choices and it makes absolutely no sense. Correction there is asexual that is most definitely a thing lol. People today just dont love themselves so there scared to really understand themselves. Can you be a straight male and sleep with a male? Absolutely you can! Straight and gay applys to your sexual orientation, as in the sex with which you are biologically designed to enter into a relationship with and that doesnt mean penis and vagina it means chemicals and pheromones, at least to me it does. I dont understand why sexual acts have to be classified as having to do with the orientation of people. Sexual acts with someone your not looking to for a relationship can be a fun and enjoyable relationship in itself. It can help you with self discovery, not to mention its safer then risking having a kid. I believe the whole stigma behind sexual orientation and sexual acts needs to change. Now dont get me wrong I dont mean people should go around having sex just because. I still fully believe sex is a powerful act that is to be respected. It’s just that if your someone who falls close to the middle of the two extremes knowing for sure if you like a man or woman may be difficult. In that sense should you be labelled for figuring yourself out? Hell no! Sometimes it can be hard because the woman can be the assertive one and the male the passive one. Does that make him gay? No of course not but because society says this is the man’s role he may feel as if he might be gay and need to sleep with a man to understand and be comfortable with who he is at the moment. Same goes for a woman. If she is assertive she may be treated poorly once again because of society and need to experiment to understand herself. A little experimenting will not hurt anyone as long as it’s not done recklessly. Yes I’m sure some wont agree but labels nowadays are too specific and defined, labels more so then anything should be blurry and generalized. They should be made to encompass a wide array of qualities that blend into both genders because sometimes the man will be more feminine and the female more masculine, which is ok because they will balance each other out. But if there never allowed to find themselves they will forever be unhappy in roles that suppress who they are as they try and be something thier not.
I mean the key to making a good menu is to reduce the amount of choices for the customer to decide upon, therefore making the experience more delightful. Why should life be any different?
I never really felt like I fit in anywhere. I never really liked big groups of people or loud places so I didn’t really care for parties or anything like that. Dont get me wrong I wanted to go to them and I would if i had the chance. I only wanted to and did go though because I thought this is what people normally do right. I did allot of things trying to be what I thought I was supposed to be. Including smoking cigs which i didnt start till 18 and getting drunk which i never found all that fun. Drugs seemed to be the easiest way to fit in. When your doing drugs with people they dont care who you are and if you have drugs they will hangout with you just to do them. So for awhile after my depression I ended up doing drugs because i didnt want to be alone. Allot of the things i bought was to impress people and keep up an image and the people I hung out with were not always the best but feeling needed trumped rational decisions. The sad thing is I knew that they only stuck around or hung out with me as long as I was useful to them or as long as I treated them a certain way. Either way I can say now that it was dumb of me to think that kind of lifestyle had any meaning. Sure I felt happy and the drugs kept me nice and high so I didnt care about anything else. The thing is though without the drugs I didnt like the people that much, they wasnt nice people. When they wasnt around me honestly I felt no need to do the drugs, the more I paid attention to myself the more I realized wow I do drugs just to feel like I belong somewhere. Doing drugs was fun though and i loved to do them, it’s just when I think about it one day I want a family, i want to have a kid and a partner that loves and supports me. What I dont want is a kid growing up in a chaotic household. I dont want a partner who feels unappreciated and unhappy. I dont want something like drugs to be the only thing life revolves around. So yes drugs are fun feeling wanted is nice but when I think about the future I know I have to learn to be ok by myself and with myself. No easy task I tell you especially when you grow up thinking who you are isnt acceptable, that noone would ever want you around. It sucks feeling that way because I know it’s not true but it’s what I was made to feel as a child and it’s going to take some time to change. Yes I still screw up here and there and do drugs to ease the nothingness inside but I dont beat myself up to much about it I just forgive myself and keep moving forward.