I get caught up on the right and wrong way to do things quite often and I forget there is no rules when it comes to expressing yourself and what you think. It must be from where I’m used to catering everything about me to those around me. When it comes to communicating and connecting with others there is most definitely a right and wrong way to go about things lol. So this expression part is weird for me, I’ve spent most of my life just finding pieces of myself in others and then helping them love thereselves because I wanted love myself but could never see myself. You grow up surrounded by people who “know” themselves and imply that you have to know yourself before you can be anything in this world. The more I learn though the more I see this as a lie, to know one’s self is to limit oneself into a way of being, you should know the things you value, you should know what and why you believe what you believe, but to know who you are when who we are is constantly changing as time flows to me is a lie that only causes you to become stuck.
I think this is true done to the very core. Honestly i just believe its the human ego thats wants to believe we are different. Why do I think this is true? Think about it for a moment what makes you different from everyone else? Your abilities, your skills, your knowledge? All these things have been cultivated since the day you was born wether by family or in spite of family. None of that is truly you. There’s a scientist I can’t remember who, that said give him newborns and he can make them into doctors, engineers, whatever really. Think about that he could take a blank slate and make it into whatever. Of course thats in controlled environments. You of course did not grow up in a controled environment you got to experience life and it made you who you are.
In that sense we are all the same. But because of that we all have different experiences which cause us to have feelings that seem to separate us from each other. Deep down though we all run off the same emotions. Those emotions are triggered by our experiences and if you pay attention to the patterns you can see how those patterns match up in people. Feelings make things complicated and complex, but if you get over your egos need to be unique to be special to be different you can start to see that none of that really matters. Yes you are special your perspective on life is unique and its made you who you are. Yet none of that really matters if you don’t understand this and yourself.
We are all the same reguardless of our skills or abilities at the core there is no difference between you, me, that dog, That tree, that animal. We are all just energy in motion. Its the varying level of feelings, of consciousness that makes us different. People now a days in my personal opinion understand themselves less and less. They don’t put the effort in to reframe and experience there past in a new way, they dont put the effort in to heal. They just keep trying to move forward in hope that the past will disappear but this is wrong. If you truly want to understand yourself and others you must do the work. Think about it memories are tied to emotions if you try to get ride of the memory without balancing out the emotion all you do is suffocate it. When something starts to die it only fights harder to live. Your emotions are no different.
I think one of the biggest things to over come is family trauma. Make no mistake every family passes on some kind of trauma to there kid in varying degrees. When its on the lower end of the scale its easy to heal and forgive your parents/family and usually goes unnoticed. Then there’s the higher end of the scale thats the one thats hard to over come. This is all my opinion from my perspective of course.
See when there is allot of hate or shame or just abuse in general passed down to the children it becomes a part of them. They have been growing up observing this tramua there whole life so its given there brain will wire its self to repeat this Trauma. Wether its in the people they love or how they treat people it will manifest itself in some way in the child. More often then not the child will hate that side of them or be ashamed of that side of them. They will search out partners that validate these feelings they have deep within them. It will seem like love is the enemy but its not.
The real enemy is what we see as love, how we view the world through our broken eyes. You get comfortable in this illusion and it keeps repeating itself over and over. Eventually unless you break this cycle you decide to give up on love altogether or just settle and keep living life like its normal. None of this ever leads to happiness though.
Its important to come to terms with that side of yourself. That way you can understand that just as you cant help the way you was raised neither could your parents. We don’t get to decide those things. Yet if you can do this if you can forgive yourself and forgive your family. If you can change yourself you can break this cycle. During this journey you should come to learn that you cant change anyone they have to want to change. They have to be willing. If they are not then just as you want people to accept you, you should accept them.
You cant change the past but you can create a better future. By healing yourself and learning what you need help with you can learn to have authority over yourself. You can learn what it truly means to be independent. Being independent isn’t about supporting yourself, its about knowing yourself on such a deep level you know what and where you need help and being able to ask for this help. Its not an easy journey its lonely but you have to understand you are good enough, your are worth it, but you can’t do it alone and anyone who says they have done it alone is a liar. Those people don’t pay attention to the countless individuals that were there for them and this is strictly there ego talking. We all need each other equally.