I guess if I had a passion it would be empowering woman, I grew up in a home of broken woman, being what was needed for them, I hated how the world had mad them lose trust in themselves, and seem to ignore what they really needed, but as a child I was helpless and I hated that feeling, to understand, to know, to see, yet unable to communicate or connect or help the ones around me I did what I could I suppressed myself and let them blame me for everything, I never thought I would be abandoned by the same people and when I was I had nothing of me left and killed myself only to wake up angry at God or whatever the hell this asshole who controls things is, just let me disappear, I was useless and unable to help the ones I loved, I was unable to do anything right, I could talk right, I could get anyone to listen or understand what I was saying and it felt like when I expressed myself I was punished by the world, I let my mother die thinking I didn’t love her, my grandmother died hating herself, and you won’t let me give up because I want to. Noone really knew what I had done and noone even noticed the emptiness inside of me after that, as I went through life I learned so much from others, and I learned that most blamed there pain or refused to acknowledge there past, it controlled them and made them relive it over and over. That peoples ability to think was hindered because life has become so routine, most of all I want to help woman understand themselves because I don’t think anyone in a long time has every even given woman the respect they deserve, not I money or material things but in the faith in unknown and the trust they have in themselves to be so confident in what they know that there able to be what someone else needs and show them who they are and never lose themselves, the strength it takes to do so much for someone who more then likly will never understand what was done for them only move forward in life with a true sense of self allowing them to find love.
I like to listen and compare stories I hear and things people say to try and understand how people work. What I find fascinating is how we use sex to act out tramua and be rewarded for it. All i can really think is that because sex is about survival evolutionaryspeaking lol, its the brains attempt to fulfill some type of invisible pain we feel.
For me it was wanting to feel powerless when my ex left me I was scared of woman. I gave up my power. I felt weak so I looked to feel powerless with sex, for me it was only a few times I tried things with another male, it never made me feel powerless or any less masculine. I try to learn quickly from my anxiety filled impulses. I’ve seen others though that weren’t noticed being abused so now they get turned on by being loud and letting anyone thats around know there having sex. To people who feel humiliation for something in there past and like to be humiliated during sex. Then theres things like girls whos dad doesn’t stick around looking for a daddy in a relationship. Its intresting how things effect what your attracted to. Whats even weirder is that all of these things are not your fault its a invisible type of pain persay thats not attached to a real emotion I dont think or its a real emotion with no proper feeling for it so maybe like having a real arm getting cut off then that pain that sticks around because the brain says there is a arm there lol. So imo the brain attempts to create a feeling or a reason to feel this pain. Which is why we are attracted to certain things. Because without an actual feeling to base it on how can we know that its not how we want to be treated hell how can you even make a choice until you experience it again with a mature brain.
What I find crazy about all this is that people have normalized all these things into kinks and built communities around them. Like they have made it ok to enable trauma. Not that I’m judging people individually just the concept of it. See i agree that it should be accepted but the problem is nothing will ever feel that void. You will always need something more, something extreme, like anything we get used to it, then its not as pleasurable. The only thing left once the pleasure fades is anxeity and emptiness.
Which I guess though this makes sense. If loving my ex gave her the ability to alter the way I love. Then sex which creates a feeling of love and connection(oxytocin) let’s people validate the tramua from the past by finding people to do something to them that validates some feeling they have inside there head. Think of couple who argue allot that like the make up angry sex……essentially validating all the anger they feel.
Like i said its all intresting. Another reason also to stop treating people how they think they want to be treated and treat them with love.
I think this is true done to the very core. Honestly i just believe its the human ego thats wants to believe we are different. Why do I think this is true? Think about it for a moment what makes you different from everyone else? Your abilities, your skills, your knowledge? All these things have been cultivated since the day you was born wether by family or in spite of family. None of that is truly you. There’s a scientist I can’t remember who, that said give him newborns and he can make them into doctors, engineers, whatever really. Think about that he could take a blank slate and make it into whatever. Of course thats in controlled environments. You of course did not grow up in a controled environment you got to experience life and it made you who you are.
In that sense we are all the same. But because of that we all have different experiences which cause us to have feelings that seem to separate us from each other. Deep down though we all run off the same emotions. Those emotions are triggered by our experiences and if you pay attention to the patterns you can see how those patterns match up in people. Feelings make things complicated and complex, but if you get over your egos need to be unique to be special to be different you can start to see that none of that really matters. Yes you are special your perspective on life is unique and its made you who you are. Yet none of that really matters if you don’t understand this and yourself.
We are all the same reguardless of our skills or abilities at the core there is no difference between you, me, that dog, That tree, that animal. We are all just energy in motion. Its the varying level of feelings, of consciousness that makes us different. People now a days in my personal opinion understand themselves less and less. They don’t put the effort in to reframe and experience there past in a new way, they dont put the effort in to heal. They just keep trying to move forward in hope that the past will disappear but this is wrong. If you truly want to understand yourself and others you must do the work. Think about it memories are tied to emotions if you try to get ride of the memory without balancing out the emotion all you do is suffocate it. When something starts to die it only fights harder to live. Your emotions are no different.
I think one of the biggest things to over come is family trauma. Make no mistake every family passes on some kind of trauma to there kid in varying degrees. When its on the lower end of the scale its easy to heal and forgive your parents/family and usually goes unnoticed. Then there’s the higher end of the scale thats the one thats hard to over come. This is all my opinion from my perspective of course.
See when there is allot of hate or shame or just abuse in general passed down to the children it becomes a part of them. They have been growing up observing this tramua there whole life so its given there brain will wire its self to repeat this Trauma. Wether its in the people they love or how they treat people it will manifest itself in some way in the child. More often then not the child will hate that side of them or be ashamed of that side of them. They will search out partners that validate these feelings they have deep within them. It will seem like love is the enemy but its not.
The real enemy is what we see as love, how we view the world through our broken eyes. You get comfortable in this illusion and it keeps repeating itself over and over. Eventually unless you break this cycle you decide to give up on love altogether or just settle and keep living life like its normal. None of this ever leads to happiness though.
Its important to come to terms with that side of yourself. That way you can understand that just as you cant help the way you was raised neither could your parents. We don’t get to decide those things. Yet if you can do this if you can forgive yourself and forgive your family. If you can change yourself you can break this cycle. During this journey you should come to learn that you cant change anyone they have to want to change. They have to be willing. If they are not then just as you want people to accept you, you should accept them.
You cant change the past but you can create a better future. By healing yourself and learning what you need help with you can learn to have authority over yourself. You can learn what it truly means to be independent. Being independent isn’t about supporting yourself, its about knowing yourself on such a deep level you know what and where you need help and being able to ask for this help. Its not an easy journey its lonely but you have to understand you are good enough, your are worth it, but you can’t do it alone and anyone who says they have done it alone is a liar. Those people don’t pay attention to the countless individuals that were there for them and this is strictly there ego talking. We all need each other equally.
What does it mean to really love? I know how most of us love which is based off of attraction and honestly this form of love is definitely not the one you want to be apart of. So, if we put attraction aside and take love for what it is what do we have? To me love is a codex of all our emotions experienced as we were becoming an adult. We take all these moments of emotion given to us from our parents, then smash it down into a nice little codex this codex becomes our version of love and what we end up looking for in another.
Of course, we almost always become attracted to someone first and I think that’s because our codex in incomplete. Our subconscious sees something in the other person that we need to learn. So, it goes oh look at them I like that one lets go get it. Of course, if you start this relationship up and you don’t learn from the person then you never really get much and end up losing a piece of yours. Do this to many times and you might very likely lose love for yourself completely. The key is to always learn from every relationship and interaction you have.
Of course, what happens if we fill this codex up and we make it whole? I believe this is the point at which we fall out of love. So, you obtain the person and once you learn what you need from then you start to lose those feelings of love there gone. What’s going on I mean you have been with them for years why don’t you feel anything anymore. Do you not love them anymore? Of course, you do, the feelings you had were never meant to be love they was only meant to keep you together while you learned to love yourself. now that you have accomplished this there’s no need for the attraction. Now you should love yourself so completely that you don’t need love from anyone else.
See I think this is real love, to love yourself in a way that completes you. When you and you partner both do this in a positive way you no longer need anything from each other. You can at this point truly start to enjoy each other company. Instead of needing something from them you only want them for who they are and not what they can give you. The relationship becomes about sharing stories and communication, you feel secure enough that you can both live you own lives. Being in a position to have your own life freely and with no fear and a safe loving place to return home to gives you a freedom that can only be described as love. All your dreams and passions seem to all the sudden to be an option.
This is part of love I think is the best the part where you water each other and support each other as you become the people you want to be. You have no fear of failure because there’s someone there to keep you from falling. You don’t worry about feeling like enough because you each are doing what you love. Perusing what you love without fear of failing or rejection from you spouse life starts to become almost like a fairy tale. Your happy in love and at the same time your making a difference in the world. Your able to return home and share all the details of you day as well all the feelings you felt. Then you listen as you partner tells you the same. The two of you share everything that happened without fear and it makes you feel closer than ever.
This love isn’t one people get to experience very often simply put there two caught up in feeling. Most are so empty and reliant on things such as sex to feel that they don’t see there giving up parts of themselves to feel and even that isn’t enough at some point. What no one seems to realizes is that this love is the truest and life changing love there is. Yet we live in a world that promote sexually exploring quite young. This severely prolongs the Childs experience to find real love because they never even get to the part where they fall out of love. If your smart you will hold out and wait saving the experience for someone special. Regardless what they tell you if you’re with the one who loves you all the things you may want to “explore” would still be an option.
See after you fall out of love and you grow next comes the start of a new cycle. You consider kids together having explored your purpose in the world, left you mark, been places you have dreamed of. The best part all these experiences where you while being in love. That means every detail will be stored into your memory for you to watch like a movie when you get old. You can see why finding real love is worth forgoing the pleasure and looking for someone you see a life with become important. When you older and on your death bed you don’t want to lay there looking back at a life full of superficial experiences that you can’t even remember. You get to lay there and dream of all the best moment of your life. From the mark you made on the world to the person who was your world and then the miracle you all made year after year.