Honestly I hate it, I dont like all the hate and the pain. It sucks to see a country give into anger and use it as a tool to initiate change. I know what happened was wrong I’m not arguing that. What I mean is that I feel like there should be a way to do all this with love. I mean if we look at this in terms of a relationship then thier whole race was in a emotionally and physically abusive relationship for so long that it change there mentality. The blacks of america are trauma victims that are hurt and lashing out at any in justice. Cause the fact of the matter is facts can be spun and made to support any cause what’s important is the patterns. As a community they see each other as weak and there always looking to get ahead, there anger which should be directed at there community is overly directed at justice. Which is ok they cant turn that anger on themselves right now because those feelings of weakness and powerlessness they was made to feel so long ago. They still are trying to take there power back but there power will only ever come from within. They need to respect each other and love each other. There race is not weak they are powerful. But noone has shown them how to love themselves. Noone has understood them in such a way to make them feel like there valid. So I’m here to say I love all you black people out there no matter what. Because I understand our country as a whole wronged you. I’m also saying that I want you to love yourself. Stop calling each other a foul word. It’s ok to be angry with each other. You can be mad at yourself, be mad at the world and be mad at anyone you want to. Healing will take time but emotions and femininity is not weak. You can’t be fighting each other if you want to fight the world. The only way to take on america is to make them understand why your mad. You have to show them how things have effected you and you have to make them see that mentally the effects still linger. You have to start loving one another inside the community and stop looking to always come up. Do you really believe money makes you powerful or gets you everything in life? Money does nothing but make you lose sight of who you are. I know that once you come together as a community and support each other out of love instead anger that’s directed at injustice you can get a real following. Do you understand how many kids in today’s world dont love themselves either, growing up without fathers so they never know what it means to be a man. So they walk around trying to show how big and bad they are when inside there nothing but scared and lost. If you want change you have to have the entire nation on you side and not just the young kids looking to express themselves. First you need to come together then you need a leader, then you need a goal, what do you want. You want justice? For what? For the trauma inflicted up you mentally? Cause back in those days it was a thing, not though it very well is. What do you actually want. Maybe you just want people to understand how much pain your in as community and to stop acting like it’s as simple as yall not hurting each other. You have mentally been conditioned to think of yourselves as week and powerless. I think though your strong. Walking around everyday feeling like nothing yet still intimidating all those around you. Loving your men who have had there power taken from them. Men running from there kids because they dont wanna be a shitty father. If were gonna promote change then let’s do it the way MLK did. Let’s make it the most extraordinary thing the world has seen.
So here’s the thing I know emotion is real and its the energy constantly flowing through us all. It’s something we all share even if the emotion is flowing at different frequencies its still energy. Feelings on the other hand are not real, there perceptions of the emotional changes in our body, which means there is know way to treat them from outside the body. This is why one must heal themselves, yet to start the healing one has to want help, wanting help means you have went through the process of questioning yourself which means your open to suggestions. Which is why someone who doesn’t want help never seems to change. My question though is if feelings arnt real if there a perception made up of our own processing of information at the time of the emotional spike. Then why is it that people seem to act like there is a certain way to express oneself, isnt every action we take in this world not an expression of feeling we have formed? If thats the case then helping people understand that feelings are everything and nothing should help them understand children as well. Children make up stories, they copy what they see, they mimic what they feel, then then try to use these things to express and assert themselves as a conscious and aware being. What is it about a childs dreams and pretending and exploring things they see that makes adults so terrified. Are people really that scared of being seen as a bad parent, of being cast out by the crowd that the destroy there childs sense of self and foundation of self love. They essentially cast out there own childs person and force them to conform to what they find appropriate. Then when the child acts out needing attention to feel love and self worth they reject or neglect the child. all because they see there own lack of self love and self worth reflected back to them. They cause the child to throw away there sense of self and to become a copy of the parent only and never learn what it means to love themselves because all they do is harbor resentment for the parent, deep down the child knows something is wrong. Yet to reject the parent is to reject who they have become. With no foundation of self love though this is a nearly impossible feet for most. They need to hold on to and believe there parents raised them well in order to function and be a person. There lives become driven to validate themselves through the parents praise or rejection. they start life off living in anxeity and never learn what its like to not have anxiety. Without the anxiety or love theres nothing there but emptiness. What I want people to understand is that emptiness is not to be feared, its scary because its new, that emptiness is the chance to be who you want to be, to go back to when you was a child and restore your dreams. See feelings may be fake but the heart and mind are not. The heart and mind are designed to survive and to move forward but you must trust them first. You must choose to let go of everything that makes you feel complete and full and dive into the darkness. Only then will you see that just behind that veil the little sweet innocent kid who got lost so long ago is there waiting, shielded from all the pain and torture you have endured up until this point. Now though its your job to protect him/her and to build a path out of the darkness for him. To show him/her how strong they are and to love them and allow them to dream and play once again. are you up to the task? I promise you its not an easy one it will never be done by blaming others but it can be done by finding those that are kind and letting them help, never spew what can hurt you to early but also dont hold on to it untill its to late. the kind hearted will always find you when your ready, make sure you able to see them and not fear them.
My goal here is to be completely honest. In my honest opinion there is either straight or gay. You are attracted chemically to a man or woman and most know it innate from the time there young. All these other labels people have pushed to express individuality to me is ridiculous, people just dont know who they are and want more choices and it makes absolutely no sense. Correction there is asexual that is most definitely a thing lol. People today just dont love themselves so there scared to really understand themselves. Can you be a straight male and sleep with a male? Absolutely you can! Straight and gay applys to your sexual orientation, as in the sex with which you are biologically designed to enter into a relationship with and that doesnt mean penis and vagina it means chemicals and pheromones, at least to me it does. I dont understand why sexual acts have to be classified as having to do with the orientation of people. Sexual acts with someone your not looking to for a relationship can be a fun and enjoyable relationship in itself. It can help you with self discovery, not to mention its safer then risking having a kid. I believe the whole stigma behind sexual orientation and sexual acts needs to change. Now dont get me wrong I dont mean people should go around having sex just because. I still fully believe sex is a powerful act that is to be respected. It’s just that if your someone who falls close to the middle of the two extremes knowing for sure if you like a man or woman may be difficult. In that sense should you be labelled for figuring yourself out? Hell no! Sometimes it can be hard because the woman can be the assertive one and the male the passive one. Does that make him gay? No of course not but because society says this is the man’s role he may feel as if he might be gay and need to sleep with a man to understand and be comfortable with who he is at the moment. Same goes for a woman. If she is assertive she may be treated poorly once again because of society and need to experiment to understand herself. A little experimenting will not hurt anyone as long as it’s not done recklessly. Yes I’m sure some wont agree but labels nowadays are too specific and defined, labels more so then anything should be blurry and generalized. They should be made to encompass a wide array of qualities that blend into both genders because sometimes the man will be more feminine and the female more masculine, which is ok because they will balance each other out. But if there never allowed to find themselves they will forever be unhappy in roles that suppress who they are as they try and be something thier not.
I mean the key to making a good menu is to reduce the amount of choices for the customer to decide upon, therefore making the experience more delightful. Why should life be any different?
What sucks more then anything is that a long long time ago I let people make me feel like who I am is wrong. I know that I’m a good person and I know I would never hurt anyone. Yet a long time ago when I was growing up and learning who I was, i had a family that made me feel like I wasnt enough, that I hurt those I’m around, and that my very exsistance was wrong.
It’s something that’s followed me into every aspect of myself as an adult. I do well when I’m alone and nothing I do effects anyone. On the other hand when I like someone when I want to be with someone, all those feelings resurface and I become scared. I worry that I will hurt them, I worry I will keep them from being great or themselves, I worry that my very exsistance in thier lives is enough to keep them from every being happy.
Not only people but success as well. I feel as if I dont deserve to be happy and have the things I want. That other people deserve what I have more so then myself. How messed up is it that I’ve been programmed to feel this way. I’m doing my best to change it, I’m doing all I can. Sometimes though I dont think it’s something I’ll be able to do alone. Which means facing the fear that I’m harmful to someone and someone loving me enough to help my change the way I was programmed. Its allot to ask for for and allot more to overcome. Who knows maybe I’ll just be alone forever and that will be best. It’s not that I’m not ok alone, alone is where im comfortable.