I guess if I had a passion it would be empowering woman, I grew up in a home of broken woman, being what was needed for them, I hated how the world had mad them lose trust in themselves, and seem to ignore what they really needed, but as a child I was helpless and I hated that feeling, to understand, to know, to see, yet unable to communicate or connect or help the ones around me I did what I could I suppressed myself and let them blame me for everything, I never thought I would be abandoned by the same people and when I was I had nothing of me left and killed myself only to wake up angry at God or whatever the hell this asshole who controls things is, just let me disappear, I was useless and unable to help the ones I loved, I was unable to do anything right, I could talk right, I could get anyone to listen or understand what I was saying and it felt like when I expressed myself I was punished by the world, I let my mother die thinking I didn’t love her, my grandmother died hating herself, and you won’t let me give up because I want to. Noone really knew what I had done and noone even noticed the emptiness inside of me after that, as I went through life I learned so much from others, and I learned that most blamed there pain or refused to acknowledge there past, it controlled them and made them relive it over and over. That peoples ability to think was hindered because life has become so routine, most of all I want to help woman understand themselves because I don’t think anyone in a long time has every even given woman the respect they deserve, not I money or material things but in the faith in unknown and the trust they have in themselves to be so confident in what they know that there able to be what someone else needs and show them who they are and never lose themselves, the strength it takes to do so much for someone who more then likly will never understand what was done for them only move forward in life with a true sense of self allowing them to find love.

I get caught up on the right and wrong way to do things quite often and I forget there is no rules when it comes to expressing yourself and what you think. It must be from where I’m used to catering everything about me to those around me. When it comes to communicating and connecting with others there is most definitely a right and wrong way to go about things lol. So this expression part is weird for me, I’ve spent most of my life just finding pieces of myself in others and then helping them love thereselves because I wanted love myself but could never see myself. You grow up surrounded by people who “know” themselves and imply that you have to know yourself before you can be anything in this world. The more I learn though the more I see this as a lie, to know one’s self is to limit oneself into a way of being, you should know the things you value, you should know what and why you believe what you believe, but to know who you are when who we are is constantly changing as time flows to me is a lie that only causes you to become stuck.

So I find it intresting that autistic people naturally recognize other autistic people. Something about the brain sees itself in another person and guards are easily lowered and anxiety calmed. What if there’s something to take from this.

What if things like racial biased and racism stem from this. They do studies that show white people are more compassionate to other white people more so then blacks or people of other skin tones. Maybe though its not about racism at all and its more about the brain recognizing someone like themselves and are more willing to help.

I’m not saying that racism isn’t a thing. It most definitely breeds allot of hate and hate causes fear and separation. I’m just saying that maybe its not what we think it is. That maybe we are fighting the wrong kind of battles.

Honestly I believe this applies to allot of things. Even the whole gay movement. Not that being gay isn’t a thing it surly is. Biological abnormalities happen. I’m just saying that maybe once you have been hurt or traumatized maybe the only people you can feel love from are people like you because the walls we make become so high.

If history has shown us anything the more we fight for a better world the more we repeat cycles and cause more destruction. Maybe the key to it all is to stop trying to make the world a better place and just be better people. Then let the world naturally alter itself through the generations of our kids.

I like to listen and compare stories I hear and things people say to try and understand how people work. What I find fascinating is how we use sex to act out tramua and be rewarded for it. All i can really think is that because sex is about survival evolutionaryspeaking lol, its the brains attempt to fulfill some type of invisible pain we feel.

For me it was wanting to feel powerless when my ex left me I was scared of woman. I gave up my power. I felt weak so I looked to feel powerless with sex, for me it was only a few times I tried things with another male, it never made me feel powerless or any less masculine. I try to learn quickly from my anxiety filled impulses. I’ve seen others though that weren’t noticed being abused so now they get turned on by being loud and letting anyone thats around know there having sex. To people who feel humiliation for something in there past and like to be humiliated during sex. Then theres things like girls whos dad doesn’t stick around looking for a daddy in a relationship. Its intresting how things effect what your attracted to. Whats even weirder is that all of these things are not your fault its a invisible type of pain persay thats not attached to a real emotion I dont think or its a real emotion with no proper feeling for it so maybe like having a real arm getting cut off then that pain that sticks around because the brain says there is a arm there lol. So imo the brain attempts to create a feeling or a reason to feel this pain. Which is why we are attracted to certain things. Because without an actual feeling to base it on how can we know that its not how we want to be treated hell how can you even make a choice until you experience it again with a mature brain.

What I find crazy about all this is that people have normalized all these things into kinks and built communities around them. Like they have made it ok to enable trauma. Not that I’m judging people individually just the concept of it. See i agree that it should be accepted but the problem is nothing will ever feel that void. You will always need something more, something extreme, like anything we get used to it, then its not as pleasurable. The only thing left once the pleasure fades is anxeity and emptiness.

Which I guess though this makes sense. If loving my ex gave her the ability to alter the way I love. Then sex which creates a feeling of love and connection(oxytocin) let’s people validate the tramua from the past by finding people to do something to them that validates some feeling they have inside there head. Think of couple who argue allot that like the make up angry sex……essentially validating all the anger they feel.

Like i said its all intresting. Another reason also to stop treating people how they think they want to be treated and treat them with love.

I think this is true done to the very core. Honestly i just believe its the human ego thats wants to believe we are different. Why do I think this is true? Think about it for a moment what makes you different from everyone else? Your abilities, your skills, your knowledge? All these things have been cultivated since the day you was born wether by family or in spite of family. None of that is truly you. There’s a scientist I can’t remember who, that said give him newborns and he can make them into doctors, engineers, whatever really. Think about that he could take a blank slate and make it into whatever. Of course thats in controlled environments. You of course did not grow up in a controled environment you got to experience life and it made you who you are.

In that sense we are all the same. But because of that we all have different experiences which cause us to have feelings that seem to separate us from each other. Deep down though we all run off the same emotions. Those emotions are triggered by our experiences and if you pay attention to the patterns you can see how those patterns match up in people. Feelings make things complicated and complex, but if you get over your egos need to be unique to be special to be different you can start to see that none of that really matters. Yes you are special your perspective on life is unique and its made you who you are. Yet none of that really matters if you don’t understand this and yourself.

We are all the same reguardless of our skills or abilities at the core there is no difference between you, me, that dog, That tree, that animal. We are all just energy in motion. Its the varying level of feelings, of consciousness that makes us different. People now a days in my personal opinion understand themselves less and less. They don’t put the effort in to reframe and experience there past in a new way, they dont put the effort in to heal. They just keep trying to move forward in hope that the past will disappear but this is wrong. If you truly want to understand yourself and others you must do the work. Think about it memories are tied to emotions if you try to get ride of the memory without balancing out the emotion all you do is suffocate it. When something starts to die it only fights harder to live. Your emotions are no different.

I think one of the biggest things to over come is family trauma. Make no mistake every family passes on some kind of trauma to there kid in varying degrees. When its on the lower end of the scale its easy to heal and forgive your parents/family and usually goes unnoticed. Then there’s the higher end of the scale thats the one thats hard to over come. This is all my opinion from my perspective of course.

See when there is allot of hate or shame or just abuse in general passed down to the children it becomes a part of them. They have been growing up observing this tramua there whole life so its given there brain will wire its self to repeat this Trauma. Wether its in the people they love or how they treat people it will manifest itself in some way in the child. More often then not the child will hate that side of them or be ashamed of that side of them. They will search out partners that validate these feelings they have deep within them. It will seem like love is the enemy but its not.

The real enemy is what we see as love, how we view the world through our broken eyes. You get comfortable in this illusion and it keeps repeating itself over and over. Eventually unless you break this cycle you decide to give up on love altogether or just settle and keep living life like its normal. None of this ever leads to happiness though.

Its important to come to terms with that side of yourself. That way you can understand that just as you cant help the way you was raised neither could your parents. We don’t get to decide those things. Yet if you can do this if you can forgive yourself and forgive your family. If you can change yourself you can break this cycle. During this journey you should come to learn that you cant change anyone they have to want to change. They have to be willing. If they are not then just as you want people to accept you, you should accept them.

You cant change the past but you can create a better future. By healing yourself and learning what you need help with you can learn to have authority over yourself. You can learn what it truly means to be independent. Being independent isn’t about supporting yourself, its about knowing yourself on such a deep level you know what and where you need help and being able to ask for this help. Its not an easy journey its lonely but you have to understand you are good enough, your are worth it, but you can’t do it alone and anyone who says they have done it alone is a liar. Those people don’t pay attention to the countless individuals that were there for them and this is strictly there ego talking. We all need each other equally.

So many people are fighting for things to change. But what are they really fighting for? What are you trying to change? Sure they want justice and equality but I’m sorry we are not made equal. Sure we all have emotions and feelings and a body but that’s about all that’s equal about us. How those emotions react and how we interpret those feelings is different for every person. And it always will be because those feelings are based off of your experience and your ability to inturpret that experience.

The problem with this is that everyone feels like an outsider and that noone can understand them and honestly there right. Yet if they would take the time to work on controlling those emotions and express there feelings with each other then by God guess what? You would see the same core emotions drive us all. In that aspect we are all equal.

Unfortunately though noone is doing this instead you have groups like Blm fighting against oppression when in reality there causing that vary oppression they seek to escape. They are driven by emotion and they think people are on there side when all they really have is a bunch of kids from broken homes that are empathizing with them. None of them even understand what there really fighting for. Because of this cognitive dissonance sets in and they reject and ignore anyone who could actually help them because they don’t have the means or foundation to deal with any beliefs but thier own.

Then you have groups like the gay community that lived there lives being different or rejected and they seek to appease people. They make up all these sexual identities for people to define them selves and just go with it. In reality though its making it harder for kids growing up to even know who they are. Having more choices is not a good thing when it comes to devolpment of the brain during the teenage years. Sure it’s great because it give these kids a place to feel like they belong but it doesn’t promote them finding themselves. Hardship and trials are what define us.

If you heal yourself and learn who you are, if you handle your emotions and express your feelings, you will learn that we are all a reflection of each other and the more we try to fight ourselves the more we bring about the vary problems we had to go through. All these problems made us the great people we are sure you may not have liked them but they made you strong, they gave you the opportunity to discover yourself early on.

We should be aware yes of course but just as the process to healing our brains starts with how we think and learning to have positive thoughts to push away the negative ones we should also be living this way. Do your best to positively influence every person you meet. Raise your kids in a good home. Stop letting your ego control you and think that you have any other job but to live. We are at our core nothing but animals. Everything else is nothing but the conscious mind altering our instinctive impulses to survive into outward behaviors to fit the reality we live in.

When you live in a world were you dont need to survive. The brain is seeking to create a fear or an enemy to survive against and we are at the top of the food chain. We are literally trying to survive ourselves. You don’t have to though. You are given this wonderful to live and enjoy. Thats something not many other animals besides maybe a dolphin has. Start enjoying it and stop creating all these problems just to define your exsistance.

What does it mean to really love? I know how most of us love which is based off of attraction and honestly this form of love is definitely not the one you want to be apart of. So, if we put attraction aside and take love for what it is what do we have? To me love is a codex of all our emotions experienced as we were becoming an adult. We take all these moments of emotion given to us from our parents, then smash it down into a nice little codex this codex becomes our version of love and what we end up looking for in another.

Of course, we almost always become attracted to someone first and I think that’s because our codex in incomplete. Our subconscious sees something in the other person that we need to learn. So, it goes oh look at them I like that one lets go get it. Of course, if you start this relationship up and you don’t learn from the person then you never really get much and end up losing a piece of yours. Do this to many times and you might very likely lose love for yourself completely. The key is to always learn from every relationship and interaction you have.     

Of course, what happens if we fill this codex up and we make it whole? I believe this is the point at which we fall out of love. So, you obtain the person and once you learn what you need from then you start to lose those feelings of love there gone. What’s going on I mean you have been with them for years why don’t you feel anything anymore. Do you not love them anymore? Of course, you do, the feelings you had were never meant to be love they was only meant to keep you together while you learned to love yourself. now that you have accomplished this there’s no need for the attraction. Now you should love yourself so completely that you don’t need love from anyone else.        

See I think this is real love, to love yourself in a way that completes you. When you and you partner both do this in a positive way you no longer need anything from each other. You can at this point truly start to enjoy each other company. Instead of needing something from them you only want them for who they are and not what they can give you. The relationship becomes about sharing stories and communication, you feel secure enough that you can both live you own lives. Being in a position to have your own life freely and with no fear and a safe loving place to return home to gives you a freedom that can only be described as love. All your dreams and passions seem to all the sudden to be an option.          

This is part of love I think is the best the part where you water each other and support each other as you become the people you want to be. You have no fear of failure because there’s someone there to keep you from falling. You don’t worry about feeling like enough because you each are doing what you love. Perusing what you love without fear of failing or rejection from you spouse life starts to become almost like a fairy tale. Your happy in love and at the same time your making a difference in the world. Your able to return home and share all the details of you day as well all the feelings you felt. Then you listen as you partner tells you the same. The two of you share everything that happened without fear and it makes you feel closer than ever.      

This love isn’t one people get to experience very often simply put there two caught up in feeling. Most are so empty and reliant on things such as sex to feel that they don’t see there giving up parts of themselves to feel and even that isn’t enough at some point. What no one seems to realizes is that this love is the truest and life changing love there is. Yet we live in a world that promote sexually exploring quite young. This severely prolongs the Childs experience to find real love because they never even get to the part where they fall out of love. If your smart you will hold out and wait saving the experience for someone special. Regardless what they tell you if you’re with the one who loves you all the things you may want to “explore” would still be an option.       

See after you fall out of love and you grow next comes the start of a new cycle. You consider kids together having explored your purpose in the world, left you mark, been places you have dreamed of. The best part all these experiences where you while being in love. That means every detail will be stored into your memory for you to watch like a movie when you get old. You can see why finding real love is worth forgoing the pleasure and looking for someone you see a life with become important. When you older and on your death bed you don’t want to lay there looking back at a life full of superficial experiences that you can’t even remember. You get to lay there and dream of all the best moment of your life. From the mark you made on the world to the person who was your world and then the miracle you all made year after year.

What is autism and where does it come from? I don’t pretend to be an expert or to know more then anybody else so this is just a theory. I like to pay attention and honestly its hard for me to stay focused enough on something for very long so I tend to do my best to use everything I do learn and apply it to everything else I know. One thing I know is apparently autism has been noticeable throughout history. I think that most if not all the major changes in this world are brought on by autistic individuals. I say that because if you look back through history at some of our most historic and remembered individuals most people would agree that they show autistic traits and where more than likely autistic themselves.

So how does this help? Simple we already know that history repeats itself over and over. So, what if that’s what’s happening once again. People agree that theirs more autistic people now more then ever. Of course, people may just be noticing it but that doesn’t really matter. What matters is why it happens in the first place. Did you know that someone with asperges would pass a test identifying them as narcissistic? The only real difference is an autistic person wants to care but isn’t really aware of how to care. Someone that is narcissistic doesn’t care they are only worried about themselves and keeping their supply full.

This is why I purpose a more simplistic look at things. Everyone also knows anxiety has become more and more prevalent over the years. When you look at history you will see a pattern with overt anxiety being passed on through generations which leads to revolutions. What if these two occurrences go hand and hand. What if the very core of someone with autism stems from parents having severe cases of anxiety. I mean autism at its core is misfires in the cerebellum I do believe. This is what causes there wiring to be all messed up. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that narcissistic people end up giving birth to autistic kids so often. A narcissistic person lives in an illusion with a belief that is untrue which in itself is the core of anxiety.

So maybe just maybe the cause of autism is that simple. Its nothing but severe anxiety that causes a baby when born and develop a brain that is mismatched to its bodily signals. If this is the case it means that autistic kids are completely normal and the fact that we treat them as not normal is what drives their lifelong battles with anxiety. I mean if you live with someone treating you like you different but inside you have a core belief that you not any different then anyone one else its going to cause problems. Maybe instead of the parents thinking they failed as a parent they should be treating the kid as any other kid and allowing them to grow on their own. Being there for them and sucking it up when things are hard for their kid. Because if you really think h it is life easy for anyone. If no one was there to tell you, you had a hard life would you think of it as anything other than life?

Honestly I hate it, I dont like all the hate and the pain. It sucks to see a country give into anger and use it as a tool to initiate change. I know what happened was wrong I’m not arguing that. What I mean is that I feel like there should be a way to do all this with love. I mean if we look at this in terms of a relationship then thier whole race was in a emotionally and physically abusive relationship for so long that it change there mentality. The blacks of america are trauma victims that are hurt and lashing out at any in justice. Cause the fact of the matter is facts can be spun and made to support any cause what’s important is the patterns. As a community they see each other as weak and there always looking to get ahead, there anger which should be directed at there community is overly directed at justice. Which is ok they cant turn that anger on themselves right now because those feelings of weakness and powerlessness they was made to feel so long ago. They still are trying to take there power back but there power will only ever come from within. They need to respect each other and love each other. There race is not weak they are powerful. But noone has shown them how to love themselves. Noone has understood them in such a way to make them feel like there valid. So I’m here to say I love all you black people out there no matter what. Because I understand our country as a whole wronged you. I’m also saying that I want you to love yourself. Stop calling each other a foul word. It’s ok to be angry with each other. You can be mad at yourself, be mad at the world and be mad at anyone you want to. Healing will take time but emotions and femininity is not weak. You can’t be fighting each other if you want to fight the world. The only way to take on america is to make them understand why your mad. You have to show them how things have effected you and you have to make them see that mentally the effects still linger. You have to start loving one another inside the community and stop looking to always come up. Do you really believe money makes you powerful or gets you everything in life? Money does nothing but make you lose sight of who you are. I know that once you come together as a community and support each other out of love instead anger that’s directed at injustice you can get a real following. Do you understand how many kids in today’s world dont love themselves either, growing up without fathers so they never know what it means to be a man. So they walk around trying to show how big and bad they are when inside there nothing but scared and lost. If you want change you have to have the entire nation on you side and not just the young kids looking to express themselves. First you need to come together then you need a leader, then you need a goal, what do you want. You want justice? For what? For the trauma inflicted up you mentally? Cause back in those days it was a thing, not though it very well is. What do you actually want. Maybe you just want people to understand how much pain your in as community and to stop acting like it’s as simple as yall not hurting each other. You have mentally been conditioned to think of yourselves as week and powerless. I think though your strong. Walking around everyday feeling like nothing yet still intimidating all those around you. Loving your men who have had there power taken from them. Men running from there kids because they dont wanna be a shitty father. If were gonna promote change then let’s do it the way MLK did. Let’s make it the most extraordinary thing the world has seen.