I like to listen and compare stories I hear and things people say to try and understand how people work. What I find fascinating is how we use sex to act out tramua and be rewarded for it. All i can really think is that because sex is about survival evolutionaryspeaking lol, its the brains attempt to fulfill some type of invisible pain we feel.
For me it was wanting to feel powerless when my ex left me I was scared of woman. I gave up my power. I felt weak so I looked to feel powerless with sex, for me it was only a few times I tried things with another male, it never made me feel powerless or any less masculine. I try to learn quickly from my anxiety filled impulses. I’ve seen others though that weren’t noticed being abused so now they get turned on by being loud and letting anyone thats around know there having sex. To people who feel humiliation for something in there past and like to be humiliated during sex. Then theres things like girls whos dad doesn’t stick around looking for a daddy in a relationship. Its intresting how things effect what your attracted to. Whats even weirder is that all of these things are not your fault its a invisible type of pain persay thats not attached to a real emotion I dont think or its a real emotion with no proper feeling for it so maybe like having a real arm getting cut off then that pain that sticks around because the brain says there is a arm there lol. So imo the brain attempts to create a feeling or a reason to feel this pain. Which is why we are attracted to certain things. Because without an actual feeling to base it on how can we know that its not how we want to be treated hell how can you even make a choice until you experience it again with a mature brain.
What I find crazy about all this is that people have normalized all these things into kinks and built communities around them. Like they have made it ok to enable trauma. Not that I’m judging people individually just the concept of it. See i agree that it should be accepted but the problem is nothing will ever feel that void. You will always need something more, something extreme, like anything we get used to it, then its not as pleasurable. The only thing left once the pleasure fades is anxeity and emptiness.
Which I guess though this makes sense. If loving my ex gave her the ability to alter the way I love. Then sex which creates a feeling of love and connection(oxytocin) let’s people validate the tramua from the past by finding people to do something to them that validates some feeling they have inside there head. Think of couple who argue allot that like the make up angry sex……essentially validating all the anger they feel.
Like i said its all intresting. Another reason also to stop treating people how they think they want to be treated and treat them with love.